"Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because online instruction takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased. Thus, to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana University, we should initiate and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni."
The president of Humana University proposes to actively promote online degree programs in order to increase enrollment and solve the budget deficit. His opinion is shaped by the case of the Omni University, which increased their enrollment in online degree programs by 50% and decreased expenditures for dormitory and classroom space. However, his conclusion is built on some critical assumptions that might turn out to be wrong. Therefore, I will analyze those in particular and state why the opposite might be the case.
The presidents first conclusion is that by increasing enrollment in online degrees, overall enrollment will also increase. Therefore, he presents the example of Omni university which was able to enroll 50% more students in online degrees. However, this does not imply an increase in the total sum of students at Omni University. Meanwhile ordinary degree student numbers might have decreased, or ordinary degrees might have been substituted by online degrees. Hence his conclusion, that by promoting online degrees overall enrollment will increase, is not valid in all cases.
Second the president addresses the problem of rising expenditures in dormitory and classroom space. On the one hand the expenditures at Humana University have increased, despite the fact that overall enrollment is stagnating. This implies a more structural problem in the physical capital of Humana University. Possible explanations are old infrastructure that needs to be renovated from the ground, or opportunistic contractors for maintenance. Hence the financial problems that the president tries to solve by increasing online enrollment, will not disappear by simply reducing physical students. Moreover according to the last paragraph, the usage of class rooms and dormitory is not only determined by the online enrollment but in particular on the “ordinary” degree students. As the presidents aims at rising enrollment, the number of “ordinary” students might not decrease at all, which implies the same cost for maintenance as before.
All in all, the president’s proposal is quite in inconvenient. A well-suited prognosis requires more detailed information on the case of Omni University and on the question whether concepts learned from Omni University are directly applicable to Humana University.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 351 350
No. of Characters: 1914 1500
No. of Different Words: 166 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.328 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.453 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.959 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 102 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 69 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.47 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 330, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Meanwhile,
...tal sum of students at Omni University. Meanwhile ordinary degree student numbers might h...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 461, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...ave been substituted by online degrees. Hence his conclusion, that by promoting onlin...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 447, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...ortunistic contractors for maintenance. Hence the financial problems that the preside...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 600, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Moreover,
...r by simply reducing physical students. Moreover according to the last paragraph, the us...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 161, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...n on the case of Omni University and on the question whether concepts learned from Omni University a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, however, moreover, second, so, therefore, well, while, in particular, in all cases
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 15.0 28.8173652695 52% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1976.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 351.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.62962962963 5.12650576532 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.32839392791 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1144149307 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 173.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.492877492877 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 633.6 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 37.5930532721 57.8364921388 65% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.777777778 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.5 23.324526521 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.94444444444 5.70786347227 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.284202181312 0.218282227539 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0911589177622 0.0743258471296 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0789453020015 0.0701772020484 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.178195718948 0.128457276422 139% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0450314646652 0.0628817314937 72% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.3799401198 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.27 48.3550499002 73% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.37 12.5979740519 122% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.99 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.