Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The argument of opening a Hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon seems convincing at first. However, the argument fails to provide any solid evidence as to how the prediction of a shop in Grilldon area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers.
First, the argument states the discovery of no present hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. The author does not provide enough information that why there has been no trace of hobby shops in that particular area. It is possible that there were hobby shops present in the area before, but failed to attract customers. The author also mentions "southeastern", possibly there are hobby shops present in other parts of the city which might also result in not so success of the HobCo Hobby Shop.
Secondly, the author here mentions 88 percent of those who responded would welcome the opening of hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. However, the number is insufficient as to what population comprises of the 88 percent. It is absolutely necessary to provide the numbers, it is very well possible that only 200 people out of say 10000 population voted and out of which 88 percent of the population is welcoming the idea, which is very less.
Again, the author states an ambiguous statement of Grilldon being in that region of the nation where the hobby business has increased by 300 percent in the last decade. However, fails to provide evidence if 300 percent increase in the southeaster Grilldon or any other part of the city. 300 percent rise could also be in the norther region of Grilldon. Also, author does not mention if there was a steady increase for the need of HobCo Hobby shops in the area for the past decade, why someone has never took an initiative to start the hobby shops. What evidence is there, that if the hobby shops are to be started now, it would be a huge success as there already has been 300 percent increase for the past decade? There is no solid proof to that as well.
Additionally, the author suggests as Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, HobCo shops will be a great success as they would have ample time to dedicate to the particular business. But, author should also take into consideration of the buyers, as to what population will consider investing money in buying HobCo products. True, retirees will be able to dedicate most of the time to the business but to run a business author should also consider about the population which will help in revenues.
To sum it up, the author must provide some valid evidence and facts to support the argument. Without which it would be too biased to conclude and support the above argument.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 194, Rule ID: COMPRISES_OF[1]
Message: Did you mean 'comprises' or 'consists of'?
Suggestion: comprises; consists of
...r is insufficient as to what population comprises of the 88 percent. It is absolutely necess...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 229, Rule ID: ABSOLUTELY_ESSENTIAL[1]
Message: Use simply 'necessary'.
Suggestion: necessary
...tion comprises of the 88 percent. It is absolutely necessary to provide the numbers, it is very well...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 504, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'taken'.
Suggestion: taken
... the past decade, why someone has never took an initiative to start the hobby shops....
^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'second', 'secondly', 'so', 'thus', 'well', 'as to']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.245544554455 0.25644967241 96% => OK
Verbs: 0.140594059406 0.15541462614 90% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0752475247525 0.0836205057962 90% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0613861386139 0.0520304965353 118% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0138613861386 0.0272364105082 51% => OK
Prepositions: 0.118811881188 0.125424944231 95% => OK
Participles: 0.0217821782178 0.0416121511921 52% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.67225161664 2.79052419416 96% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0356435643564 0.026700313972 133% => OK
Particles: 0.0019801980198 0.001811407834 109% => OK
Determiners: 0.118811881188 0.113004496875 105% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0277227722772 0.0255425247493 109% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0277227722772 0.0127820249294 217% => Maybe 'Which' is overused. If other WH_determiners like 'Who, What, Whom, Whose...' are used too in sentences, then there are no issues.
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2655.0 2731.13054187 97% => OK
No of words: 459.0 446.07635468 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.78431372549 6.12365571057 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62863751936 4.57801047555 101% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.309368191721 0.378187486979 82% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.241830065359 0.287650121315 84% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.167755991285 0.208842608468 80% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0915032679739 0.135150697306 68% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67225161664 2.79052419416 96% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 207.018472906 94% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.42265795207 0.469332199767 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 46.6174615807 52.1807786196 89% => OK
How many sentences: 20.0 20.039408867 100% => OK
Sentence length: 22.95 23.2022227129 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.7237108603 57.7814097925 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.75 141.986410481 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.95 23.2022227129 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.55 0.724660767414 76% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.14285714286 117% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 3.58251231527 84% => OK
Readability: 47.1330065359 51.9672348444 91% => OK
Elegance: 1.78899082569 1.8405768891 97% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.349218885048 0.441005458295 79% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.206781756292 0.135418324435 153% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0712721590781 0.0829849096947 86% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.673079712886 0.58762219726 115% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.141091211335 0.147661913831 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.174158573039 0.193483328276 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.092018776574 0.0970749176394 95% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.385113618412 0.42659136922 90% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.062026510584 0.0774707102158 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.232256809516 0.312017818177 74% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.125928622649 0.0698173142475 180% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.33743842365 132% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.87684729064 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.82512315271 41% => OK
Positive topic words: 10.0 6.46551724138 155% => OK
Negative topic words: 7.0 5.36822660099 130% => OK
Neutral topic words: 2.0 2.82389162562 71% => OK
Total topic words: 19.0 14.657635468 130% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.