The researcher make the conclusion that opening a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon, yet not having one, may become profitable and encounter for ample demand of residents. They based it on the poll research, that 88 percent would welcome the opening the hobby shop, that hobby business has increased over the past decades, and that there is a large population of retirements who may become potential customers of the new hobby shop.
The author note that there are no any hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. Therefore, it may be new market without competition. But one does not provide any information about background of this market niche. There is no information about whether there used to be any hobby shops in this area, and of it is so why they were closed. If market niche is empty, it may be not because nobody looked at it, but because it does not have perspectives.
As the first argument author conduct the poll research, which suggest that 88 percent of Grilldon residents would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern part of the city. So that one may expect ample demand for a hobby shop from residents of Grilldon. However, the problem of a conclusion from this poll research is that it only shows that 88 percent would welcome the opening the hobby shop that means they are not argue against this. But it does not mean that some of those 88 percent would come to the hobby shop and buy some.
Even if this research shows some interest to the hobby shop, the potential demand for its product is not assessed. It is very risky start new business not assessing demand. It made impossible accounting necessary supply level, income amount, duration of investment’s return, the amount of investment capital is necessary to start business. Also in research there is no word of the other potential business risks, such as business environment, crime level, corruption of local authorities, qualification employee supply, tax regime for small business and so forth.
The next author’s argument is that the hobby business has increased on 300 percent in the past decade over Grilldon and this fact may suggest that there may be potential perspective for the hobby shop. So huge percent number may misconduct if decade ago hobby business were very low. So increasing in three times does not saying that it become very popular and profitable. The 300 percent of very low is also not many. The data that could be more reliable are the absolute numbers of developing the hobby business for the last decade.
The author also suggest that there are many retire population in Grilldon who have ample time to devote to hobbies and it could be interested for them. They may become constant buyers of the hobby shop. However, the author never gave any research about their interest and their intentions for their disposal of them retirement time. They may have other plans for their retirements and it might be not many of them have hobby interest.
In conclusion, it should be accepted that the author might not be wrong about the hobby shop perspective in southeastern Grilldon. However to proof it they must conduct additional profound researches leveled at the definition of economical perspectives, amount of potential demand among particularly from the retire population and population of Grilldon as a whole. Also necessary assess potential business risk of this entertainment. The reliable inquiring for perspectives of the hobby business should look like a valued business plan.
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- can be put inside argument 1
argument 4 -- not exactly. look: 'Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade...', the 300% is for whole nation, not for Grilldon.
argument 5 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 587 350
No. of Characters: 2856 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.922 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.865 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.588 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 185 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 142 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 106 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.964 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.31 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.317 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.559 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 16, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'makes'.
Suggestion: makes
The researcher make the conclusion that opening a hobby sho...
^^^^
Line 1, column 273, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...welcome the opening the hobby shop, that hobby business has increased over the pa...
^^
Line 3, column 32, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...hop. The author note that there are no any hobby shops in southeastern Grilldo...
^^
Line 3, column 445, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... because it does not have perspectives. As the first argument author conduct the...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 430, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'argued'.
Suggestion: argued
... the hobby shop that means they are not argue against this. But it does not mean that...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 570, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...regime for small business and so forth. The next author's argument is that ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 328, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: 'say'
Suggestion: say
.... So increasing in three times does not saying that it become very popular and profita...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 541, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...the hobby business for the last decade. The author also suggest that there are m...
^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...by business for the last decade. The author also suggest that there are many...
^^^
Line 11, column 436, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e not many of them have hobby interest. In conclusion, it should be accepted th...
^^^^^
Line 13, column 133, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...p perspective in southeastern Grilldon. However to proof it they must conduct additiona...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 307, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...otential demand among particularly from the retire population and population of Grilldon a...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 368, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... and population of Grilldon as a whole. Also necessary assess potential business ris...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, so, therefore, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.9520958084 162% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2943.0 2260.96107784 130% => OK
No of words: 587.0 441.139720559 133% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0136286201 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.9222030514 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70574127455 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.400340715503 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 918.0 705.55239521 130% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.5894027299 57.8364921388 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.107142857 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.9642857143 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.82142857143 5.70786347227 49% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 13.0 5.25449101796 247% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.315248032895 0.218282227539 144% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.105301407754 0.0743258471296 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.088608961282 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.18553539537 0.128457276422 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0793888558864 0.0628817314937 126% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.78 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.45 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.