The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.
"In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system."
In this argument, the author wants to indicate that the large group of hospitals should use UltraClean, instead of the liquid hand soaps currently used, at all hand-washing stations in their hospital for preventing serious patient infections. While the result of this laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater than liquid hand soaps currently used, may be true, this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to prove the author's suggestion.
Ar first, the authenticity of the experiment number of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, which is a important evidence in this argument to support the idea of changing hand soaps in the large group of hospital, should be douted.There are many factors will influence on the result of experiment. For example, the quantity of two different experimental subject is an important factor to the experimental result. Sometimes, however, it is difficult to control the quantity absolutely. The difference may be a result of different soap's quantity, which seems 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than liquid hand soaps.
Second, the lower number of patient infection cases in Workby cannot state that this is the result of concentrated solution of UltraClean. If the patient infection cases was higher than other hospital in this large group of hospitals before they us concentreated solution of UltraClean, I believe the concentreated solution make a significant contribution to the progress. In this argument, however, we cannot know the fact before Workby us solution of UltraClean. How can we sure that the lower patient infection cases owes to solution of UltraClean.
Last but not least, even assuming the concentrated solution of UltraClean is really better than liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals, we'd better think twice about the idea, which supports us to change all of the liquid hand soaps in our hospital. The solution of UltraClean, which is concentrated, may hurt skin of hands of stimulate eyes or nose. The side-effects of a new product should be considered before we use them.
To draw a conclusion, although concentrated solution of UltraClean may be better than liquid hand soaps we used now, we should think twice about the suggest of changing all hand-washing stations' soap. We need more tenable evidence and accurate numbers of representative, valid, and reliable surveys.
Sentence: If the patient infection cases was higher than other hospital in this large group of hospitals before they us concentreated solution of UltraClean, I believe the concentreated solution make a significant contribution to the progress.
Description: The fragment patient infection cases is not usually followed by was
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace was with were
Description: The fragment solution make a is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, past tense
Sentence: In this argument, however, we cannot know the fact before Workby us solution of UltraClean.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to Workby and us
Sentence: To draw a conclusion, although concentrated solution of UltraClean may be better than liquid hand soaps we used now, we should think twice about the suggest of changing all hand-washing stations' soap.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to the and suggest
Sentence: Ar first, the authenticity of the experiment number of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, which is a important evidence in this argument to support the idea of changing hand soaps in the large group of hospital, should be douted.There are many factors will influence on the result of experiment.
Error: douted Suggestion: doubted
Sentence: If the patient infection cases was higher than other hospital in this large group of hospitals before they us concentreated solution of UltraClean, I believe the concentreated solution make a significant contribution to the progress.
Error: concentreated Suggestion: concentrated
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 394 350
No. of Characters: 2043 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.455 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.185 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.907 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.289 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.733 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.397 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.641 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.246 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5