The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The birth rate is one of criterion that effects the budget in the education of a city, but it is not the categorical aspects, paricularly it is not accurate for the prediction of popultion in the future. The recommodation solely reply on the birthrate which conducted in last year and some unproven assumptions and so is questionable.
First, the number of students enrolled in the public schools is not only based on the local residents, but it also relevant to the immigrants of the city, partiuclarly those who move with their families for the purpose of better education or other reasons. So the author need to estimate, with specific data supported,how many immigrants might come to the city in next decades. If there were much more number of immigrant studnets than author's expectaion, the budget would be far less than the planned and the other terms in the recommodation would subsequently inaccurate.
Second, the playing field and recreational facilities are built, mainly, for the publics, not just for children. To reduce the funding for these items, a complete survey need to conducted in order to know whether there are many people using the facilities. If many citizens were against the cut on the funding of such facilities, the recommondation would be everything but causing massive protests. Furthermore, if there were more students moving from other cities to the local schools, the argument would be
Third, supposing the government manage to cut the budget for the education and sports facilities, there is no evidence showing that the number of adults will be immutable in the future. The author need to ascertain whether the population of aults will be same by doing relevant researches or consulting experts. If many citizens moved to others cities for the purpose of work or other reasons, government would spend more money on a program that would not benefit to the majorities, and left paucity of funding available for education and reinforcing the recreational facilities.
In conclusion, the argument is lacking of convincing evidence and specific data to support. In addition to presenting necessary evidence and informations, the recommondation should reaching the conclusion on the basis of evidence provide, if there is any, other than making assumptions with no details or limited evidences.
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Sentence: To reduce the funding for these items, a complete survey need to conducted in order to know whether there are many people using the facilities.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and conducted
Sentence: Third, supposing the government manage to cut the budget for the education and sports facilities, there is no evidence showing that the number of adults will be immutable in the future.
Description: The fragment government manage to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace manage with verb, past tense
Sentence: If many citizens moved to others cities for the purpose of work or other reasons, government would spend more money on a program that would not benefit to the majorities, and left paucity of funding available for education and reinforcing the recreational facilities.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to others and cities
Sentence: In addition to presenting necessary evidence and informations, the recommondation should reaching the conclusion on the basis of evidence provide, if there is any, other than making assumptions with no details or limited evidences.
Description: The fragment evidence provide , is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, past tense
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to should and reaching
Sentence: The birth rate is one of criterion that effects the budget in the education of a city, but it is not the categorical aspects, paricularly it is not accurate for the prediction of popultion in the future.
Error: popultion Suggestion: population
Error: paricularly Suggestion: particularly
Sentence: The recommodation solely reply on the birthrate which conducted in last year and some unproven assumptions and so is questionable.
Error: recommodation Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: First, the number of students enrolled in the public schools is not only based on the local residents, but it also relevant to the immigrants of the city, partiuclarly those who move with their families for the purpose of better education or other reasons.
Error: partiuclarly Suggestion: particularly
Sentence: If there were much more number of immigrant studnets than author's expectaion, the budget would be far less than the planned and the other terms in the recommodation would subsequently inaccurate.
Error: recommodation Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: expectaion Suggestion: expectation
Error: studnets Suggestion: students
Sentence: If many citizens were against the cut on the funding of such facilities, the recommondation would be everything but causing massive protests.
Error: recommondation Suggestion: recommendation
Sentence: The author need to ascertain whether the population of aults will be same by doing relevant researches or consulting experts.
Error: aults Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In addition to presenting necessary evidence and informations, the recommondation should reaching the conclusion on the basis of evidence provide, if there is any, other than making assumptions with no details or limited evidences.
Error: recommondation Suggestion: recommendation
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 377 350
No. of Characters: 1910 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.066 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.841 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.929 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.407 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.614 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5