The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
Based on unfounded assumptions, The Board of Directors of Monarch Books recommend opening of a cafe inside their bookstore. While it is true that this recommendation may attract new customers, bringing it to life in the existing form, it may also lead to significant loses in the customer base. Several questions require answers for the recommendation to be reasonable. Competition with Regal Books should not be the main and only driving force for proposed change.
Firstly, is it possible to install a cafe without the necessity to discontinue the children's book section? Board of Directors claim that Monarch Book store has a large customer base, owing to availability of books on variety of topics. Discontinuity of one of very important sections may in consequence lead to great decrease in the number of customers. Providing that parents are visiting the store, if they are bookworms themselves, they would most probably like to buy books for they children. Alteration in this section may not only diminish the number of children's books sold, but also may cause decreases in adult section. Furthermore, proposed recommendation may discourage potential parents form choosing this store as their favourite. In consequence, the number of books sold in the bookstore may gradually decrease.
Secondly, eventhough the national census indicates that the number of children under age ten decreased, we have no data about the trend in amount of books children at that age are reading. What if recent data indicates that significant portion of young readers buy much more books than it was in previous years. It may surely be the case, owing to growing number of early literacy programmes offered to parents. To summarize, decrease in number of children , don't have to necessarily lead to decrease in the number of children's books sold.
To recapitulate, auhors of this proposal fail to substantiate their assumptions. Additional information is crucial for the recommendation to be well-supported. Ideally, a survey among present and potential customers would answer most of questions concerning this topic. For the time being, however, based on unsubstantiated assumptions, a recommendation would most likely bring more loses than benefits. Proposal of the Board of Directors requires some modification. Several questions needed to be answered, in order for the Board to take furter action.
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Sentence: Providing that parents are visiting the store, if they are bookworms themselves, they would most probably like to buy books for they children.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and children
Sentence: Several questions needed to be answered, in order for the Board to take furter action.
Error: furter Suggestion: further
Sentence Length SD: 5.948 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.406 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.225 4.6
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 5.948 7.5
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.059 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5