Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take In developing and su

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Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

As technology advances and the idiosyncrasies of each individuals is accepted with more flexibility, the restricted status of having to be well mannered is deteriorating. However, people still tend to admire and respect those who are civilized and well acknowledged on manners. I believe that being educated on formal attitude actually enhances people to act with more free will instead of restraining them.
First of all, people show a tendency of being conducive to those who are well acknowledged to formal manners. This enables people who received formal education to easily control others and pursue their desires without being criticized. I would like to mention a particular person as an example, the son of the CEO of Samsung in South Korea. Even though he was already admired by many people for being the son of such a prestigious family, he was seriously educated with formal manners. While children from other similar families held tantrums and manipulated the rather laypersons, he showed respect to each individual regardless of their social status. Due to his manners, people showed susceptibility in trusting him, easily providing him the opportunity to seize whatever he wishes. While other children had to suffer from intense criticism and having to explain his/her reasons to why they had to behave in such way, the son was easily believed and people dare did not glance at him with dubiousness. Because he was well educated in formal manners, people easily trusted his will, giving him the power to act on his free will without being keenly criticized.
Furthermore, people have the propensity to shun those who are uneducated in formal manners due to the strong stereotype that such people tend to be rude and easily belies the truth, and should not be trusted. For example, there was a TV program where hiring executives in big companies in starred in and informed us about the types of people favor. They specifically mentioned that they do not prefer those who are ignorant to formal behaviors. They perceived such people to not being able to control their emotions and acting out of line when they should be collaborating with the society. Being able to restrict their emotions and showing respect to others was the key factor in hiring an employee. This shows that maybe people who are unacknowledged in formal education seems to be free, however this is just ephemeral and they are actually undercut from various opportunities in the long-term.
To sum up, people tend to favor and easily trust those who are educated in formal manners, which enables them to act on their free will. On the other hand, those who are uneducated on formality may seem like they are free minded but are actually restraining themselves from seizing various opportunities.

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Average: 6.2 (1 vote)
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, furthermore, however, if, may, so, still, well, while, for example, first of all, to sum up, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.5258426966 159% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.4196629213 64% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 14.8657303371 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.3162921348 133% => OK
Pronoun: 45.0 33.0505617978 136% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 73.0 58.6224719101 125% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 12.9106741573 23% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2321.0 2235.4752809 104% => OK
No of words: 459.0 442.535393258 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.05664488017 5.05705443957 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62863751936 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73408587612 2.79657885939 98% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 215.323595506 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.481481481481 0.4932671777 98% => OK
syllable_count: 734.4 704.065955056 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 6.24550561798 144% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.10617977528 161% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.38483146067 46% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.2370786517 94% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.7169001769 60.3974514979 57% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 122.157894737 118.986275619 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.1578947368 23.4991977007 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.94736842105 5.21951772744 133% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 7.80617977528 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 10.2758426966 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.13820224719 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.104001383583 0.243740707755 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0412967612618 0.0831039109588 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0401254124398 0.0758088955206 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0887405680241 0.150359130593 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0389886378463 0.0667264976115 58% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.1392134831 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.8420337079 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.1743820225 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 12.1639044944 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.51 8.38706741573 101% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 100.480337079 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 11.8971910112 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.


Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.