You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job.Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your lett

Essay topics:

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job.

Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter,

•introduce yourself
•explain what experience and special skills you have
•explain why you are interested in the job

Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Submitted by KIKEDIAZ on Thu, 02/09/2017 - 08:55

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing this letter with regard to the advertisement published last week in the local newspaper offering a shop assistant job in the City Museum.
I am a twenty-four-year-old student, who is currently studying a degree in English at the University of Cambridge. I will complete my syllabus next June and I would like to have some hands-on experience before applying for a steady job.
I have some past experience working in places like restaurants and shops, which implied some of the skills that are considered to be useful in dealing with customers face-to-face, as it is required in the job offered. I am tranquil, effective, committed and extremely polite. Furthermore, not only can I speak English fluently, I also can speak French and German without hesitation. All this information is available in the CV attached.
I would be very grateful if you could consider this application because it would be a great opportunity to practice my language skills as well as acquire experience in the museums world, which I find utterly interesting.
I hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience.
Yours faithfully,
Enrique González Díaz.

Votes
Average: 5.6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS General Training

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...nce before applying for a steady job. I have some past experience working in pl...
^
Line 4, column 13, Rule ID: PAST_EXPERIENCE_MEMORY[1]
Message: Use simply 'experience'.
Suggestion: experience
...pplying for a steady job. I have some past experience working in places like restaurants and ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 89, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ke restaurants and shops, which implied some of the skills that are considered to be useful...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 219, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
..., as it is required in the job offered. I am tranquil, effective, committed and e...
^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, furthermore, if, so, well, as well as, with regard to

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 13.1623246493 53% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 7.85571142285 89% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 10.4138276553 38% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 4.0 7.30460921844 55% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 24.0651302605 96% => OK
Preposition: 27.0 41.998997996 64% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.3376753507 96% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 984.0 1615.20841683 61% => OK
No of words: 191.0 315.596192385 61% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.15183246073 5.12529762239 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.71756304063 4.20363070211 88% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.2343988681 2.80592935109 115% => OK
Unique words: 126.0 176.041082164 72% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.659685863874 0.561755894193 117% => OK
syllable_count: 306.9 506.74238477 61% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 5.43587174349 166% => OK
Interrogative: 1.0 0.384769539078 260% => OK
Article: 0.0 2.52805611222 0% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.10420841683 48% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.76152304609 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 10.0 16.0721442886 62% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 19.0 20.2975951904 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 63.6293171423 49.4020404114 129% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.4 106.682146367 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.1 20.7667163134 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.9 7.06120827912 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 4.38176352705 137% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.01903807615 80% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.67935871743 92% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.9879759519 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 3.4128256513 59% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.215987202684 0.244688304435 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0665986333176 0.084324248473 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0565535334911 0.0667982634062 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0952253593943 0.151304729494 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.062567643336 0.056905535591 110% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.4 13.0946893788 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 50.2224549098 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 11.3001002004 95% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.59 12.4159519038 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.21 8.58950901804 107% => OK
difficult_words: 56.0 78.4519038076 71% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 9.78957915832 143% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.1190380762 95% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.7795591182 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Maximum five paragraphs wanted.
Minimum 250 words wanted.

Rates: 56.1797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.