Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on publib health and that other measures are required.

Essay topics:

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on publib health and that other measures are required.

In my opinion, to improve public health by increasing the number of sports facilities is a good idea, but not completely enough. Because a public health is not a subject which can improve instantly only by increasing the numbers of sports facilities. This methods are should followed by other measurements, such as “how to improve public awareness about healthy life itself”. So, the next question is “how can to realize that?”

To answer that question, the encouragement by the ruling party is the key factor. Many methods or measurements are meaningless if not supported by the government. I will try to focused on employment health life style in Jakarta. There are to many public space which supported by city park and sport facilities, however, all of that is not optimally use by them. Because they are not have enough time to enjoy it.

Seventy Five percent employment who work in Jakarta are not living in Jakarta. They are come from the sister city of Jakarta, such as Bekasi, Depok, Bogor, and Tangerang. From that condition, we can assume that they will not live in the Jakarta in the week end, in other word, they don't have any time to enjoy all of that facility. Therefore, we need the rule of order by the ruling party to use one up to two hours in week day as a healthy hours. That orders should covering all civil servant, private and public company employment in Jakarta. So, in my conclusion, increasing sport facilities is not completely enough only by improve public health.

Votes
Average: 5 (1 vote)

Comments

This methods are should followed by other measurements,
This method should be followed by other measurements,

There are to many public space which supported by city park
There are too many public space which are supported by city park

all of that is not optimally use by them
all of that is not optimally used by them

Because they are not have enough time to enjoy it.
Because they do not have enough time to enjoy it.

They are come from the sister city
They come from the sister cities

That orders should covering all
That orders should be covering all

only by improve public health.
only by improving public health.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 260 350
No. of Characters: 1196 1500
No. of Different Words: 131 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.016 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.6 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.516 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 86 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 58 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.268 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.484 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5