Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay topics:

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, according to the recent survey, lots of people are markedly noticeable that they are now taking care of their health by doing medical check-up or by taking exercises regularly than before. Consequently, they may live longer and advocates claim that the retirement age of old people should be raised.

Firstly, as the technology penetrates into our lives in 20th century, many companies are using these latest techniques for developing of their company. But for people who are old enough to retire cannot operate very well since they are not very keep in touch with these and might be faced lots of problems. In addition, most of the old people are conservative and there will be some conflicts between younger generations and seniors when they discuss for doing reform.

Moreover, old people will be suffered from mental and physical problems. They will ailment again and again and not being patience on everything like before. So, as a result they are going to absence the work very frequently and this may disturb the work also. Furthermore, there must be one problem with the old people is memorizing problem. However they are healthy enough to work well, their brain cannot. They cannot remember all things in detail like before they used to. For instance, he will forget to prepare the facts, if they have an important meeting.

We can clearly be seen that there are lots of unemployment persons who are recently graduated from university. This is caused because of the employers who don’t want to lose the experienced person though they are old enough to retire. The age of 60 or 70 for one person is the time to spend their life with their descendants.

On the other hands, these people are working in their companies for many years and have enough knowledge and experiences so that they can fix well if their company face with problems though the fresher employee cannot. So every companies need people like this for different situations. They might be seen very boring to be stay at home if they retire from work.

Another interesting point is that if the age of people retire from work is raised, we can see positive profit margin of the government’s funds. Subsequently, this would help them to spend in other case such as solving the pollution problems or improving in health caring system as they don’t need to give the pension very early.

To sum it up, taking all the mentioned facts into an account, retirement age should not be raised since the unemployment persons are increasing and we should give them a chance. And then, we should give the old persons a beautiful time to spend with their family since they couldn’t give enough time for so many years because of their work.

Votes
Average: 6 (1 vote)

Comments

Sentence: But for people who are old enough to retire cannot operate very well since they are not very keep in touch with these and might be faced lots of problems.
Description: A qualifier, pre is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to very and keep

Sentence: They will ailment again and again and ...
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to will and ailment

not being patience on everything
not being patient on everything

there must be one problem with the old people is memorizing problem.
there must be one problem with the old people, which is memorizing problem.

to lose the experienced person
to lose the experienced persons

in other case such as
in other cases such as
in another case such as

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Words: 468 while No. of Different Words: 223
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5

better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion

or:

para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 468 350
No. of Characters: 2191 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.651 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.682 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.378 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.273 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.114 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.682 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.561 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5