Some say old people should continue to work, if their condition allows them to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some say old people should continue to work, if their condition allows them to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Submitted by sakshi on Mon, 06/29/2015 - 12:16

Whether you work to live or live to work, the traditional concept of retirement is changing. There are some old people who are satisfied with the pension they receive and enjoy their lives at home. But many oldest people are not satisfied with pension they are getting. There are some proponents who say old people should not continue working after retirement. Nevertheless, in my view, people should continue doing work till their body allows.

There are many factors that old people think to continue work after retirement. First one is that they want to keep themselves mentally and physical active. While they are on work, they do not feel morose as their energy levels taper-off with age. Some think, keep learning new things keeps them vibrant and optimistic, so they want to continue learning and for that they choose continue working. Another factor is whatever pension they receive is not sufficient to live luxury life; therefor they want to continue some part time job to earn more so that they can enjoy their leisure time utmost.

Old people should adapt to work which is more in sync with the level of vigor their body can adore. Adapting to work which is not appropriate with energy level they have, can impact them. For example long working hours can lead them to blood pressure problems. They have sacrificed their whole life for make their children lives. It is also their children responsibility to support and take care of them.

All in all, if their body and health allows, they keep doing light jobs that will help them to stay motivated and lively. In my view, governments should revisit regulations and provide sufficient funding to old people for their survival, for example old people homes and enough funds.

Votes
Average: 4 (2 votes)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic

Comments

There are some old people those are satisfied with the pension
There are some old people who are satisfied with the pension

Sentence: There are many factors those basically old people think for continue working after retirement.
Description: The token for is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to for and continue

First one is they want to keep themselves mentally and physical active
First one is that they want to keep themselves mentally and physical active

in which not much physically and mental activity is involved will help them financially too.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

Sentence: They have sacrificed their whole life for their children so that they can achieve their dreams and now it should be their children responsibility to support them.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and responsibility

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 334 350
No. of Characters: 1612 1500
No. of Different Words: 160 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.275 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.826 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.286 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 102 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.443 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.538 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Thanks for valuable feedback. I have incorporated comments. If possible please review once again and let me know how much score this essay can fetch if there are no mistakes in grammar.