The Availability of entertainment such as playing video games on handheld devices are harmful to an individual and to a society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
"Entertainment brings out an inherent creative personality, wings to mind and flights to imagination". Today's era is well known for its varieties of games on mobile phones; which have devastating effects on an individual and on society as well. In my opinion, availability of games on handheld devices have severe effects on eyes as well as on mental health but they also have their peculiarities in building creative ideas, determination and focus.
To begin with, playing games over mobile phones has been a crucial issue for parents. Mostly children play games on mobile phones and have strain on their eyes; which results in poor visibility later on. In addition to this, unavailability of game or mobile phone makes an individual livid and depress. For instance, In a survey conducted by "Hindustan Times" 85% of children who play games over mobile phone have poor visibility, lack of confidence and mostly they are introvert.
Moreover, playing games on mobile phone leads to isolation in the society. In other term, people do not believe in face-to -face communication with each other. Therefore, it results in lack of communication and sharing of valuable experiences in the society. For example, In a survey conducted by local magazine in "Los Angeles", it is proven that most of the people who travel in metros prefer to play mobile games instead talking to their peer.
On the flip side, playing quiz games over phones brings creativity and a vast knowledge of new vocabulary words. Furthermore, it also provide determination and focus to achieve a particular level. Apart from this, Society will also get ample of benefits as if they have abundance of creative people: increase their level of thinking, familiarity with new technology.
In conclusion, there are number of answers to the given question. Every growing trend has their own advantage and disadvantage. However, games provides us new imaginary world and flavors to life but it should not be on the cost of health problems.
Comments
what are the possible changes
what are the possible changes to be need made on the above essay so that it has 8 band score?
You may not repeat same
You may not repeat same things in one essay, like:
'For instance, In a survey conducted by ...'
then it can reach 8.0 or over.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 135, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'provides'?
Suggestion: provides
... vocabulary words. Furthermore, it also provide determination and focus to achieve a pa...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, therefore, well, apart from, for example, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, as well as, in my opinion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 13.1623246493 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 7.85571142285 25% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 10.4138276553 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 7.30460921844 68% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 24.0651302605 75% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 41.998997996 143% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.3376753507 144% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1712.0 1615.20841683 106% => OK
No of words: 327.0 315.596192385 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.23547400612 5.12529762239 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25242769721 4.20363070211 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.06983986628 2.80592935109 109% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 176.041082164 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.562691131498 0.561755894193 100% => OK
syllable_count: 551.7 506.74238477 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.60771543086 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 5.43587174349 55% => OK
Article: 0.0 2.52805611222 0% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.10420841683 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.76152304609 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 16.0721442886 106% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 20.2975951904 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.6331451621 49.4020404114 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.705882353 106.682146367 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2352941176 20.7667163134 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.2941176471 7.06120827912 146% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.38176352705 114% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.01903807615 20% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.67935871743 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.9879759519 150% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 3.4128256513 29% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.170286891741 0.244688304435 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0531622063907 0.084324248473 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0388998545862 0.0667982634062 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0877997736307 0.151304729494 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0485690559684 0.056905535591 85% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 13.0946893788 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 50.2224549098 87% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.3001002004 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.11 12.4159519038 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.12 8.58950901804 106% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 78.4519038076 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 9.78957915832 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.1190380762 95% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 84.2696629213 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 7.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.