Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, children rely too much on the technology like computers, smart phones and video games for fun and entertainment while playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children’s development.
An increasing number of children have their own smart phones and personal computers nowadays. Those electronic devices occupied their most entertaining time, which could have been spent on toys or with their friends instead. A part of parents hold a view that traditional entertainments are better for their children. I disagree with them. Electronic devices has incomparable advantages in all facets of our lives, including entertainment, with the advent of information age.
Admittedly, electronic devices are not as good as traditional entertainments in some aspects. Long-time sitting in front of screen causes short sight, headache and lower back pain. Lack of physical exercise leads to muscle weakness. Electromagnetic radiation also impacts health negatively. Most of my friends wears quite thick glasses due to using too much computers.
However, I encourage children to choose electronic devices as their entertaining method, if some unprecedented advantages of them are taken into consideration.
Foremost, we are living in the information age, by which I mean we use electronic devices all the time. They are just like water and air for us. We are not able to live on without computers and smart phones in a modern society. Entertainment is the main method for children to learn to use those devices. Through playing games, listening to music and watching plays, they learn to use mouse, keyboard and touchpad, and learn to surf the internet, and learn to use Twitter and Facebook. If parents kept them away from this kind of entertainment, they would lose the skill of using electronic devices, which is apparently harmful for their future life.
Moreover, electronic entertainments make children more social. Some parents think traditional entertainments, such as playing outside, as ideal way to make friends, while electronic entertainments turn children into more withdrawn ones. I disagree with them totally. Playing electronic games and surfing the internet have already been the most important method for children to have fun. Any child who doesn't participate in those activities can't fit into his/her peer group, which causes his/her isolation instead. In addition, internet enlarges children’s social circle. I make acquaintance with game players from all over the world through playing online games, while I only can make friends with my neighbors by playing outdoors.
To sum up, I think of electronic entertainments as a better choice than traditional ones for children, although they are not perfect.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 354, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...rs quite thick glasses due to using too much computers. However, I encourage chil...
^^^^
Line 9, column 402, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...for children to have fun. Any child who doesnt participate in those activities cant fi...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 441, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
... doesnt participate in those activities cant fit into his/her peer group, which caus...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, however, if, moreover, so, while, i mean, i think, in addition, kind of, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 9.8082437276 31% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 11.0286738351 54% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 43.0788530466 86% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 52.1666666667 100% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2156.0 1977.66487455 109% => OK
No of words: 393.0 407.700716846 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.48600508906 4.8611393121 113% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45244063426 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04350378126 2.67179642975 114% => OK
Unique words: 219.0 212.727598566 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.557251908397 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 647.1 618.680645161 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.994623655914 0% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 20.1344086022 74% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.1884232962 48.9658058833 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.24 100.406767564 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.72 20.6045352989 76% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.36 5.45110844103 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 4.53405017921 132% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 3.85842293907 181% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.270063982097 0.236089414692 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0766148636409 0.076458572812 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0583530968953 0.0737576698707 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.126251576831 0.150856017488 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0671794906549 0.0645574589148 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.3 11.7677419355 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.25 58.1214874552 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.27 10.9000537634 131% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.01818996416 100% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 86.8835125448 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.0537634409 80% => Gunning_fog is low.
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Try to use less pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
Maximum five paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.