Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Primary school is considering to spend more time on teaching young students (5~11) technology (like computer) than teaching music and art.
Learning in primary school is a crucial process to influence children’s behaviors. No one can deny that there are both positive and negative aspects of the lessons which young students should learn in the classroom. Some people may state that the new technology in 21st century is a necessary skill for kids, while others think that music and art could cultivate the young students’ vision of beauty. In my opinion, I think young students should be taught through music and art field which help them develop the body condition completely and explore their future careers in different subjects.
To begin with, through the artistic and musical lessons, young students could develop their physical body in a comprehensive way. On the other hand, the teaching of technological devices brings a bad influence on their eye vision, and the addition of electrical products. To be specific, according to the research of human behaviors from Harvard University in 2020, it proposed that kids between five and eleven years old who have utilized technology were always getting lower grades at school compare with other students who were not touching any electric devices before eleven. Meanwhile, those students who were not intact the computer, video games, and smartphone, did well on aesthetic skills like drawing and playing instruments. These processes encourage young students to develop muscles and control their behaviors. As a result, the children attain a broad development on their physical conditions.
Second, learning about art and music could foster the young students’ interests. In addition, if they found talent in these fields, they will contribute to the professions in their future career. Take Louis Kohn as an example, he loved to draw on papers in the art class and to play LEGO at his primary school. However, he realized that he was not interested in the mathematics and computer classes because those lessons always limited the students’ imagination in the calculators or devices. During the artistic practices, his parents found that he was really talent at transforming two-dimension graphics into three-dimension spaces. After several years, Kohn decided to choose architecture as his major and became a well-known architect in the world. It is certainly to see that learning about art and music could encourage students to know their character in their lives.
In light of the reasons mentioned, I strongly believe that learning art and music brings several advantages for young students. It is not only helping the kids develop in a complete way in the process but also cultivating their interests in these fields.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 107, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a comprehensive way" with adverb for "comprehensive"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...dents could develop their physical body in a comprehensive way. On the other hand, the teaching of tec...
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Line 7, column 169, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a complete way" with adverb for "complete"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...It is not only helping the kids develop in a complete way in the process but also cultivating the...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, really, second, so, well, while, i think, in addition, as a result, in my opinion, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 9.8082437276 92% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 13.8261648746 130% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 43.0788530466 88% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 52.1666666667 109% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2233.0 1977.66487455 113% => OK
No of words: 422.0 407.700716846 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.29146919431 4.8611393121 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53239876712 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76266835243 2.67179642975 103% => OK
Unique words: 239.0 212.727598566 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5663507109 0.524837075471 108% => OK
syllable_count: 663.3 618.680645161 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.94265232975 202% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.3358395378 48.9658058833 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.526315789 100.406767564 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.2105263158 20.6045352989 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.57894736842 5.45110844103 139% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.194454149814 0.236089414692 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0604810699358 0.076458572812 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0428539083544 0.0737576698707 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.114189365406 0.150856017488 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0358681605492 0.0645574589148 56% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 11.7677419355 124% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 58.1214874552 85% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 10.1575268817 117% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.4 10.9000537634 123% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.11 8.01818996416 114% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 86.8835125448 135% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 85.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 25.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.