Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A university education is necessary for success in this world. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.
A common description of success in this world is to have a prosperous life. Therefore, being successful requires having a good job. Almost all demanding jobs with high incomes are those which are known as professions and need to be learnt at academic settings. Universities provide us with proper knowledge, effective guides, and links to employers. Thus, I believe that university education is necessary for being successful in this world.
Being prepared for a job requires having the suitable knowledge and skills. Although there are simple jobs that do not need academic studies, like a janitor or a truck driver, most of the prestigious occupations critically need to be learned in an academic setting. The significant developments in different sciences and advancements in technology have turned almost every job to a specialty. It is not only true about doctors, politicians, or teachers but also true about cooks and farmers.
University professors are the best guides in teaching a person the way to his or her future success. They have years of experience coupled with scientific knowledge. Moreover, they have carried out numbers of studies on the topics related to their fields of specialty. Thus, they can offer a core of well-pruned knowledge to their students in a relatively short period.
Finally, universities provide the students with the opportunity of being seen by leaders in their fields of study. For instance, marketing students are introduced to big companies for their course projects, or young journalism students are sent to famous newspaper offices as interns. Thus, they will have the chance to make their ways toward great job positions and will guarantee their success.
At a brief glance, it is easily seen that most of the successful figures of today world are university graduates. Universities prepare people in a short period, comparing to self-education, for professions. Students learn specialties that can't be learnt out of the universities and are highly demanded by society. Thus, I believe that university education is necessary for being successful in modern world of technology and professionalism.
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1. Both the second and fourth paragraphs are talking about jobs.
2. The coherence is low. for example:
In the conclusion, you told 'At a brief glance, it is easily seen that most of the successful figures of today world are university graduates.', but you didn't talk about any successful figures in the essay body.
Try this pattern and make TOEFL wring easy and simple:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing as First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion. because of reason 1, 2, 3, so....
An example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentence: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).
Don't forget that 'save time', 'save money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' are reasons that can be applied to all essay/speaking topics.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 339 350
No. of Characters: 1766 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.291 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.209 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.941 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.95 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.334 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.28 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5