Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Younger school children (aged five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.
Nowadays, parents usually try their best to raise childeren in the best manner. One of the most popular tasks in this case, is to encourage the students to participate in the numreous classes. However, it has been a controversial debate wheather these childeren must study art and music in addition to some basic courses such as math, science, history and language or not. Some people believe these extra courses are beneficial whereas others think not only these classes are not necessary but also somehow they are redundant. Personally, I am inclined toward the former group’s opinion and I will elaborate on my perspective in the following essay.
First and for most, studying different courses can lead to much more self-confidence of students. This is because in such situation they learn various skills which help them to being active in defferent fields. Therefore, they will feel more satisfaction by themselves. Also, their family and friends will encourage & support them and hence their total abilities will enhance greatly. All these make an independent & self-confident student. Consider two boys, one of them spends his leisure time just in front of TV, and the other one participates in music classes. The first one just passes his time, but the second one learns a new skill and also socialize with different people. After few months, by comparing these two, obviously the result is that the later boy will become a self-confident student.
Another equally crucial factor that supports my claim is that learnig extra skills by students has an important role in finding their future career. This is because in recent decades there have been so much competitions on the most of jobs which make it hard to find and retain a suitable one. As a result, an individual with a professional background in specific aspects will be more successful in gaining a perfect career and this is the key point. As a personal experience, I remember one of our friend’ daughter had been sent to music classes. She was so talented and soon her teachers figured out that she would have an excellent future. Consequently, they guided her to a profession school in the field of music, and now, she is one of the fameous musician in my hometwon. If such a proper circumastances had not been prepared for her precious talents, this could not be possible.
All in all, based on the aforementioned reasons that I mentioned above, I feel studying and learning courses such as art and music in addition to basic courses, not only is beneficial but also is vital. This is because that this issue is a good help in making a self-confident student and in achieving a proper future career as well.
Comments
The article discusses the…
The article discusses the ongoing debate regarding whether children should be encouraged to study art and music alongside basic subjects like math, science, history, and language. While some argue that these additional courses are beneficial, others believe they are unnecessary and redundant.
The author aligns with the viewpoint that studying diverse courses, including art and music, is advantageous. They argue that such education fosters self-confidence in students by equipping them with various skills, encouraging them to be active in different fields, and garnering support from family and friends. The author presents a scenario comparing a child who spends leisure time watching TV with one engaged in music classes, suggesting that the latter becomes more self-assured due to skill acquisition and social interaction.
Furthermore, the author emphasizes the role of extra skills in shaping students' future careers. They highlight the competitive job market and assert that individuals with proficiency in specific areas are more likely to succeed professionally. An anecdote about a talented musician who benefited from early exposure to music classes supports this argument, illustrating how such opportunities can lead to successful careers.
In conclusion, the author contends that studying art and music, in addition to basic courses, is not only beneficial but also essential. They assert that this approach fosters self-confidence and lays the groundwork for a prosperous future career. Overall, the article advocates for a holistic education that encompasses a variety of subjects to nurture well-rounded individuals.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
Nowadays, parents usually try their best...
^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...my perspective in the following essay. First and for most, studying different c...
^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... will become a self-confident student. Another equally crucial factor that supp...
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Line 3, column 204, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...se in recent decades there have been so much competitions on the most of jobs which ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 229, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'most of', you should use 'the' ('most of the jobs') or simply say ''most jobs''.
Suggestion: most of the jobs; most jobs
...e have been so much competitions on the most of jobs which make it hard to find and retain a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s talents, this could not be possible. All in all, based on the aforementioned ...
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Line 4, column 254, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ecause that this issue is a good help in making a self-confident student and in a...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, hence, however, if, second, so, therefore, well, whereas, i feel, in addition, such as, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 15.1003584229 146% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 11.0286738351 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 49.0 43.0788530466 114% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 52.1666666667 88% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2233.0 1977.66487455 113% => OK
No of words: 453.0 407.700716846 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.9293598234 4.8611393121 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78003300419 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 248.0 212.727598566 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.547461368653 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 691.2 618.680645161 112% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.94265232975 40% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.4519368166 48.9658058833 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.5 100.406767564 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.5909090909 20.6045352989 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.95454545455 5.45110844103 109% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0945415693529 0.236089414692 40% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0265094377306 0.076458572812 35% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.042371160941 0.0737576698707 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0633932001521 0.150856017488 42% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0245382583294 0.0645574589148 38% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 11.7677419355 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.31 10.9000537634 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.6 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 86.8835125448 131% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 71.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.