Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (aged five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.
Nowadays, no one can cast a shadow on the importance of art and music in individual's life. Personally, I believe fine arts and music should come alongside with other subjects during children's early education. I feel this for two reasons which I will explain in the following essay.
To begin with, music could be a relief when people are in the trenches. Early age children tend to be curious around everything which make them enjoy everything. However, after becoming adults and step into society, life could become tedious and contentious. Music, painting and other form of art will come in handy, and help people move on from hardships they come across each day. My personal example is a compelling illustration. When I first joined my company, I constantly felled overwhelmed by my job and could not concentrate well on solving problems. Luckily, I could still play my guitar which I learned from early age. I would play my guitar after work when I feel pressured and try to have a good mental condition. As a result, I gradually built my confidence and made a lot progress at my workplace.
Furthermore, learning music and art could be considered when relationship is involved. In todays society, people start to alienate each other because the uncertainty of everyone which made it hard for people to associate. Sharing the same interest is the fastest way to make friends in my opinion because people are naturally attracted to the ones who share same interest as they are. For instance, I hardly no anyone after I moved to another city because of my job. Many of my co-worker are always busy with family and work, and I could not find anyone to make close relationship. Although I was very lonely at that time, I was able to find a friend who have the same music taste at a concert. Consequently, I expanded my relationships even further with local musical club. I even gained some working benefits from that. Based in this, I strongly believe art and music could aid the development of relationship.
In conclusion, I strongly feel that children should be able to learn art and music alongside other subject. This is because have the knowledge of arts could benefit mental health when we struggling with our lives and support interpersonal relationship that we need.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 675, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ld play my guitar after work when I feel pressured and try to have a good mental ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
consequently, first, furthermore, however, if, so, still, well, for instance, i feel, in conclusion, as a result, in my opinion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 9.8082437276 153% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.0286738351 136% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 43.0788530466 102% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 52.1666666667 96% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1897.0 1977.66487455 96% => OK
No of words: 390.0 407.700716846 96% => OK
Chars per words: 4.8641025641 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44391917772 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76307601888 2.67179642975 103% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 212.727598566 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.54358974359 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 603.9 618.680645161 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 29.2281941726 48.9658058833 60% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 82.4782608696 100.406767564 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9565217391 20.6045352989 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.17391304348 5.45110844103 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.135631629015 0.236089414692 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0461381521116 0.076458572812 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0510100368728 0.0737576698707 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.107342427619 0.150856017488 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0364489084276 0.0645574589148 56% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.9 11.7677419355 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 58.1214874552 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.1575268817 83% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.61 10.9000537634 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 86.8835125448 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 10.002688172 70% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.