If you could change one important thing about your hometown,what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples tosupport your answer

Essay topics:

If you could change one important thing about your hometown,
what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to
support your answer

In today's hectic life, it is amazing the fact that people from different walk of life think about my town. There are many people that consider that my town is good in the way that it is, other claims that it has negative aspects that surpass the positives. My grandmother used to say '' our town will never be perfect because it has a lot of problems''. It seems to me that she was right, and I might explain some alternatives that might help my town to be even better. I consider that those are: a better educational system, and more jobs for citizens.

As a matter of fact, in order to improve education the government has to focus on investing more money in this field. My town is located in the south of Dominican Republic. Most of people didn't attend school because they're very poor, even some of them don't have their parents alive as a result they had to work to support themselves. I consider that if this people are helped by the government ''with economic resources'' they might go to school, and even attend to college in the future. With this in mind, I outright believe that local people might develop in different areas. In the past, local people weren't very polite with tourist, if they get a good education, then people from different parts of the country might visit our town and spend their money in local products.

Another noteworthy aspect of this ongoing explanation is that my town need more jobs. The local government has administered a lot of money from taxes collection, nevertheless it has focus on fields that are not beneficial for citizens. For instance, most of the money has been spent in street reparations, while others field such as agriculture has been neglected. Agriculture is the main economical activity of my town, if the government invest more resources in this area, I'm sure that more jobs will be created. furthermore to help the local economy even more, our major might bring foreign investors to our town because they might take advantage of the cheap rates that employees require.

In conclusion, my town is a great town, but if more money is invested in education and in jobs, it will help others field to develop as well. I think that in the future the local government should try to offer good opportunities to foreign industries, thus it will add more economic sources to our town.

Votes
Average: 5 (1 vote)
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Comments

it is amazing the fact that
it is an amazing fact that
it is amazing by the fact that

There are many people that consider that
There are many people who consider that

if this people are helped
if these people are helped

it has focus on fields
it has focused on the fields

if the government invest more resources in this area,
if the governments invest more resources in this area,

it will help others field to develop as well
it will help other fields to develop as well

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

The essay is not exactly right on the topic. You are asked for 'one important thing' not 'two important things'

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 416 350
No. of Characters: 1872 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.516 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.5 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.453 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.236 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5