People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, and not enough on more serious duties and obligations. Use your specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people believe that people recently spend excessive time on their personal pleasure. Others say that the people spend enough time on their duties and obligations. I agree with the former with two elaborated reasons.
First, technology development makes people hard to focus on their professions. Especially, smart phone is a main component of an interruption. Numerous enjoyment in the internet can easily be shown to the people through smartphone. Therefore, people today are suffered from unavoidable overdoses of smartphone which decrease their productivities and creativities. Smartphone also make people not to focus on their tasks and jobs. For example, when I was in military as an army officer, one of my junior officers is seriously obsessed with his social media. Even during training drill, he cannot turn his phone off. I warned him several times that his focusing problem might arise negative accidents. However, he kept using his phone if he cannot find me around him. One day in 2019, there was a convoy mission which our troop have to protect a few car with important cargos and high rank officers. In that mission, the junior officer I mentioned kept watch his smartphone until the mission was finished. After that mission, the commander eventually realized that he watched his phone during convoy and started to criticize him in front of every people of our troop. As a result, he was transferred to inferior troop.
Second, in capitalism society, a lack of hope stimulates people to follow only their enjoyments. In these days, people barely buy their own house without economical supports from band and their parents. Getting a job become also difficult compared to twenty years ago and this phenomenon will continue and may become worse. Therefore, people today do not give many interests to their duties and obligations. Instead of those, they focus on daily enjoyments such as Bitcoin or sports gambling. In other words, people focus in their own living and making money without tremendous effort instead of their duties. To be specific, from a few years ago, Bitcoin syndrome hits everywhere of the globe. Young people can easily multiply their money without hard working and difficult studying. This process of making money is dangerous as illegal drugs. For example, in China, there was a parent who forgot to feed their baby doing Bitcoin for three days in a row. The baby was suffered starving which eventually made him dead.
In conclusion, duties and obligations cannot get many interests from people compared to former days. People use too much time for their enjoyments such as smartphone and Bitcoin. Therefore, people should reduce their focusing on the enjoyment and give more attention to their duties.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 845, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun car seems to be countable; consider using: 'few cars'.
Suggestion: few cars
...ssion which our troop have to protect a few car with important cargos and high rank off...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, may, second, so, therefore, for example, in conclusion, such as, as a result, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 9.8082437276 92% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 43.0788530466 116% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 52.1666666667 111% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2302.0 1977.66487455 116% => OK
No of words: 447.0 407.700716846 110% => OK
Chars per words: 5.14988814318 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.59808378696 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61608025517 2.67179642975 98% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 212.727598566 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.545861297539 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 711.0 618.680645161 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.94265232975 202% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 20.6003584229 146% => OK
Sentence length: 14.0 20.1344086022 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 26.4291295522 48.9658058833 54% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 76.7333333333 100.406767564 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 14.9 20.6045352989 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.93333333333 5.45110844103 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 3.85842293907 311% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.88709677419 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.163027836519 0.236089414692 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0481139008635 0.076458572812 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0634684919909 0.0737576698707 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.139572614249 0.150856017488 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0749474972286 0.0645574589148 116% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 11.7677419355 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.27 58.1214874552 99% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.8 10.1575268817 87% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.0 10.9000537634 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.97 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 86.8835125448 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.002688172 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 7.6 10.0537634409 76% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 78.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.