Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

Essay topics:

Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

In my opinion, giving money in the form of the gift for children's good performance in school is a perfect idea. Here you can see my reasons for this claim.
Firstly, parents teach them if they study well, they will earn money. One of the parents' concerns about their children is their future job. They know if their children have an appropriate education, they will find an ideal job. So, they try to help them to understand the importance of money and education at the same time by several methods. One of the best styles is giving money for their high mark. Children recognise this fact when they utilise most of their time for learning, they will earn more money.
Second, parents will have responsible children. Nowadays, children need to learn various skills to manage their lives such as education, responsibility, and the others. Hence parents prefer to choose the best of training to instruct them how to be a responsible person. Giving money for their good mark show s them if they do their obligation on time and well, they will receive their favourite results and gifts. So, parents can teach them to be responsible persons.
Finally, rewarding money to the children gives them the sense of authority, and adult. Todays, children try to be independent. They do not want to be monitored by their parents all of they time. So, they always request from their parents to let them free and live according to their opinion. Since, when parents consider their gift in the form of money, they indirectly give them freedom. This action makes children happy. Therefore, giving money is a good way because it conducts them if they behave like adult people, they have this permission to have some freedoms, and power to do their favourite activities or buy their preferred things.
In conclusion, the advantages of this style of donating overwhelm to its disadvantages that prove my claim is valid. In fact, parents with this method provide a suitable situation for their children to be a responsible person, understanding the importance of money and studying, and help them to be like adult people.

Votes
Average: 6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 169, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...cation, responsibility, and the others. Hence parents prefer to choose the best of tr...
^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, firstly, hence, if, second, so, therefore, well, in conclusion, in fact, such as, in my opinion

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 11.0286738351 27% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 54.0 43.0788530466 125% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 52.1666666667 86% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1747.0 1977.66487455 88% => OK
No of words: 358.0 407.700716846 88% => OK
Chars per words: 4.87988826816 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34981470047 4.48103885553 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56923875825 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 212.727598566 83% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.494413407821 0.524837075471 94% => OK
syllable_count: 522.0 618.680645161 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Interrogative: 1.0 0.994623655914 101% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.51792114695 28% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.6378034511 48.9658058833 95% => OK
Chars per sentence: 79.4090909091 100.406767564 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.2727272727 20.6045352989 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.04545454545 5.45110844103 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.372509433773 0.236089414692 158% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124137978464 0.076458572812 162% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0666799015213 0.0737576698707 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.225617854977 0.150856017488 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0532075984226 0.0645574589148 82% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.7 11.7677419355 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 58.1214874552 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.1575268817 83% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.73 10.9000537634 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 86.8835125448 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.002688172 65% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => The average readability is low. Need to improve the language.
What are above readability scores?

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Try to use less pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.

Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.