Some young children participate in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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Some young children participate in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some people believe students just should study and it isn’t necessary to allocate time for additional activities. On the other hand, others assert students should attend various marginal tasks in order to feel better and get some useful skills.

Some people think that the main job of students is to have a great effort in their studying because the level of their education will shape their life situation in the future. In fact, this group of people believe that though it may seem boring for students to spend their entire time for studying but its consequences will compensate all this hardships completely. For instance, a good student who tries his best on education will get many skills and abilities and after graduating will find a well-paid job. From my perspective, this isn’t a persuasive reason because I think students by time management and having a practical schedule can do better because this kind of life style will provide them with plenty of profits.

First, these kind of activities will provide many opportunities for students to have fun together and by this way their education won’t be boring anymore. In fact, students will have a multi-dimension life style and this is exciting because they can experience some stuffs in various aspects. For instance, by attending sports clubs students can do some energetic activities together and this will transfer them to an excellent mood. Moreover, playing sports will give them a healthy body hence they can think and study better and this will develop their educational status.

Second, students can get new skills and they can implement these new abilities to find a part-time job and this will help them either financially or even by giving them a sense of independence. For example, by learning professional photography students can make a fair amount of money from taking digital pictures for students’ accounts on social networks. More importantly, these additional talents will offer students a reason to honor themselves and boost their self-confidence. Consider playing a musical instrument, a student with this ability will have a higher level of self-esteem because he can do this in parties and show his command to other students. Meanwhile, playing music will have some benefits such as relaxing and removing exhaustion.

As a conclusion, I personally believe that volunteering in extra-curricular activities in a moderated way will give students many advantages by which they can amend their both personal and professional lives. Indeed, in weighing pros and cons its benefits picturesquely outweigh disadvantages.

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Sentence: In fact, this group of people believe that though it may seem boring for students to spend their entire time for studying but its consequences will compensate all this hardships completely.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and hardships

flaws:
More sentences varieties wanted. the subjects for most sentences are 'students'
or 'a student'

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 419 350
No. of Characters: 2145 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.524 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.119 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.804 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 156 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.137 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.57 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5