Some young people are free in the evenings or have days off at school which way can bring them the most benefit 1 To accumulate work experience by a part time job or volunteering in a community 2 Learning to play a sport 3 Learning to play a musical instr | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

Essay topics:

Some young people are free in the evenings or have days off at school, which way can bring them the most benefit?
1. To accumulate work experience by a part-time job or volunteering in a community.
2. Learning to play a sport
3. Learning to play a musical instrument

Nowadays young people are encouraged to use their free time or days off at school in order to learn some skills which help them in the future. Accumulating work experience by a part-time job or volunteering in a community, learning to play a sport and learning to play a musical instrument are some suggestions for students to do in their free time. But which way can bring them the most benefit? As far as I am concerned, young people can acquire more advantages by doing a part-time job or being a volunteer in a community. In the following passages, I will shed light on my reasons.
To begin with, young people will experience different kinds of jobs and activities if they work in a part-time job or be in different communities. In other words, they will have the opportunity to learn about various jobs and also the education and abilities which are required to have for each of them. They are such useful experiences that the youth can choose their future job with more awareness. Consequently, they will be more satisfied with their job that will result positively in the quality of their life. Moreover, it is not necessary to say that people who like their job are anxious to progress and develop it. A psychological study conducted in 2018 proves this claim. According to the study, 80 percent of prominent people who are successful in their business had participated in diverse communities or had a part-time job when they were young. Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple Company, Bill Gates, the co-founder of Microsoft Corporation, and Phil Knight, the founder of Nike were some of the renowned successful people that are investigated in the study.
On the other hand, the youth experience varied job’s atmosphere in part-time jobs, while they will experience only one field if they learn to play either a sport or a musical instrument. Indeed, learning a sport or a musical instrument fill their time and they have not any time to experience other activities. It probably leads to choosing a job that is not proper for them, so they feel disappointed in the future. Take my piano teacher as an instance. She had spent all of her free time practicing and learning the piano when she was young. Despite success in her job, she was not happy. She always said that “If only I would be an architect, not a piano teacher.” If she had volunteered in different communities or done a part-time job, she might have chosen her favorite work consciously.
To top off the discussion, young people can gain valuable experience through doing a part-time job or volunteer in a community, which positively influences in their future life. Not only does it assist them in choosing an appropriate job but also it improves the quality of their life since they are pleased about themselves. I highly recommend that young people spend days off or free evening working part-time to benefit from the good effects of this decision in the future.

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Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1001, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...d Phil Knight, the founder of Nike were some of the renowned successful people that are inv...
^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, if, moreover, so, while, in other words, to begin with, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 15.1003584229 119% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 13.8261648746 145% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.0286738351 136% => OK
Pronoun: 55.0 43.0788530466 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 67.0 52.1666666667 128% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2439.0 1977.66487455 123% => OK
No of words: 507.0 407.700716846 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.81065088757 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74517233601 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78367552728 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 231.0 212.727598566 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455621301775 0.524837075471 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 762.3 618.680645161 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.2371375699 48.9658058833 109% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.043478261 100.406767564 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0434782609 20.6045352989 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.26086956522 5.45110844103 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 11.8709677419 143% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.470787175502 0.236089414692 199% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.137115725027 0.076458572812 179% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.119974231126 0.0737576698707 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.326886766974 0.150856017488 217% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.159714240828 0.0645574589148 247% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 11.7677419355 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 58.1214874552 99% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.62 10.9000537634 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.59 8.01818996416 95% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 86.8835125448 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.