TOPIC # 33 You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy?

Many people prefer to buy tickets to a concert. They say that if they have tickets, they can attend the concert any time they need , and they will have fun. Although i understand this point of view, i have a different opinion. I believe that a piece of jewelry is the best because it is a valuable thing, and it's difficult to lose.

First of all, i believe that, a piece of jewelry is the best because it's a valuable thing. For example, my sister got a gift of money in her graduation party. The money was enough to buy a piece of jewelry ,but she preferred to buy tickets to a concert. Then, she attended the concert. she had fun, but this fun was for short time. and when she needed money to pay for her study,she wasn't have enough money to pay for it , so she said that if there was a piece of jewelry she can sell it and get money instead. On the other hand, When i received a gift of money in my birthday party, i prefer to get a piece of jewelry instead of tickets to a concert. Because i was thinking if i need money i can sell this piece. Indeed, this was a very good idea because when i needed money to buy a home, this piece of jewelry helped me a lot in this issue.

Next, buying a piece of jewlery is the best because we can save it for a long time. For example, in my son's birthday party, he received gift as money. He asked me to buy him tickets to a concert. I bought him tickets before months from the date of a concert. Then at the day of a concert i asked him to bring his tickets , but he told me i lost them. As a result he was very sad, and he lost this a mount of money which was given to him in his party. Contrary, the piece of jewelry it's difficult to loose. For example, my mom always spend the a mount of money that she received to buy jewelries, and she always put them in the jewelries' box, so it's so difficult to lose them, and when she needs them , they are always easy to reach.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, i encourage all people to consider having a piece of jewelry. Why not to try to go to the jewelry's shop, and take a look at them? If you do this, then you will decide to spend the money you received as a gift to buy a piece of jewelry, and you will be glad to do so.

Votes
Average: 6 (2 votes)
Essay Categories

the piece of jewelry it's difficult to loose.
it's difficult to lose the piece of jewelry.

my mom always spend the a mount of money
my mom always spends a mount of money

Sentence: For example, my mom always spend the a mount of money that she received to buy jewelries, and she always put them in the jewelries' box, so it's so difficult to lose them, and when she needs them , they are always easy to reach.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and a

Sentence: Next, buying a piece of jewlery is the best because we can save it for a long time.
Error: jewlery Suggestion: jewelry

flaws:
No. of Words: 450 while No. of Different Words: 163

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 450 350
No. of Characters: 1722 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.606 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.827 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.05 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 87 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.978 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.37 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.502 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.268 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5