TPO 8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed.

Essay topics:

TPO 8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed.

Without any shadow of doubt, the media has profound impact on modern people, especially young generations. Some think that there should be restrictions on advertisements, targeting children up to five years old due to the serious impacts these kinds of advertisements have on them. Others, on the other hand, have the opposite viewpoint, believing that there is not necessarily to impose restrictions on such advertisements. As far as I am concerned, I hold the former opinion since these kinds of advertisements are physically and emotionally harmful for children who are very impression,. In the following argument, some evidence is addressed to substantiate my point of view.

To start with, television advertisements aiming young children have detrimental effect on children's health. Most advertisements shows interesting and inducing scenes of unhealthy foods such as chips and fast foods, stimulating children to eat these foods. When parents bring their children to a supermarket, every now and then, children insist to convince their parent to buy for them chocolates, chips and biscuits. Suffice to say that, fast food restaurants such as McDonalds and KFC contribute millions of dollars for advertisements in TV and as a result both the young generation and parents like to try foods in these restaurants rather than eating homemade food which has much more ingredients and vitamins. Airing advertisements also encourage children having sedentary lifestyle. Instead of going out and playing with other children, they sit in their home and watching TV advertisements since these programs are very attractive for them. If parents and the government as a whole like to have well-being future generation, they should control children watching advertisements. As all these examples have clearly shown, advertisements have serious effects on the health of our next generations and there should be some restrictions regarding broadcasting advertisements which target children .

In addition, advertisements have adverse impact on social development of the children if they air without suitable control system. Nowadays, children reluctantly engage in conversations and they are inclined to play with their IPad or watching TVs. TVs programs especially advertisements has caused children to be isolated themselves. Consequently, children cannot make connection with the others, the trend which will have detrimental effects on their future life as an adult. Moreover, some advertisements show aggressive and action scenes which motivate aggressive and unacceptable behaviours. All these effects would have serious ramifications for our children. Therefore, putting ban on advertisements goes a long way towards having mentally grown up people who can engage in social activity and use their time more efficiently. Some may claim that advertising industry is an integrated element of having a successful business. However, most of the promising and profitable companies gain their reputation from providing high quality and state-of-the-art products rather than waste millions of dollars for advertising their products in TVs. It can undoubtedly understood that without a proper restriction, we cannot expect having mentally healthy and successful people in the future.

In conclusion, I do agree with the notion that advertisements targeting children should be banned. This policy will help children to be more sociable and healthier and finally will go along way towards having better and socially acceptable community in the future.

Votes
Average: 7.7 (3 votes)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 589, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , .
...ful for children who are very impression,. In the following argument, some evidenc...
^^
Line 3, column 309, Rule ID: EVERY_NOW_AND_THEN[1]
Message: Use simply 'now and then'.
Suggestion: now and then
... bring their children to a supermarket, every now and then, children insist to convince their pare...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1299, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ing advertisements which target children . In addition, advertisements have adv...
^^
Line 5, column 844, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'claims'.
Suggestion: claims
...e their time more efficiently. Some may claim that advertising industry is an integra...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1166, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: 'understand'
Suggestion: understand
...eir products in TVs. It can undoubtedly understood that without a proper restriction, we c...
^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, finally, however, if, may, moreover, regarding, so, then, therefore, well, in addition, in conclusion, such as, as a result, to start with, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 15.1003584229 86% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 13.8261648746 174% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 43.0788530466 88% => OK
Preposition: 68.0 52.1666666667 130% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3017.0 1977.66487455 153% => OK
No of words: 530.0 407.700716846 130% => OK
Chars per words: 5.69245283019 4.8611393121 117% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.79809637944 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.24746234504 2.67179642975 122% => OK
Unique words: 279.0 212.727598566 131% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.52641509434 0.524837075471 100% => OK
syllable_count: 905.4 618.680645161 146% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Interrogative: 1.0 0.994623655914 101% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.6860839578 48.9658058833 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.173913043 100.406767564 131% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0434782609 20.6045352989 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.91304347826 5.45110844103 145% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 3.85842293907 181% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.217843278727 0.236089414692 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0776802706738 0.076458572812 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0704158663895 0.0737576698707 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.1572492117 0.150856017488 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0495081917498 0.0645574589148 77% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.9 11.7677419355 144% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 58.1214874552 68% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 10.1575268817 132% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 16.02 10.9000537634 147% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.89 8.01818996416 111% => OK
difficult_words: 138.0 86.8835125448 159% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

there is not necessarily to impose restrictions on
it is not necessarily to impose restrictions on

who are very impression,
who are very impressive,

some evidence is addressed
some evidences are addressed

Most advertisements shows interesting and inducing scenes
Most advertisements show interesting and inducing scenes

flaws:
No. of Words: 531 350 //You will need to put less content, it is not possible to put 531 words in half hour in the TOEFL test room.

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Try to put 5 paragraphs but with 3 arguments. Try this pattern:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...

Para 5: Conclusion.

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follow those users:
http://www.testbig.com/users/ftn
http://www.testbig.com/users/nargess1981

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No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2 //leave few minutes and double check grammar issues
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 531 350
No. of Characters: 2951 1500
No. of Different Words: 273 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.8 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.557 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.149 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 226 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 173 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 141 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 91 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.369 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.322 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.457 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5