TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO 12

In this set of material, both the reading and the professor are talking whether the full -length portrait of a teenage girl owned by Austen family is Jane Austen or not. The reading claims that, there are good reasons to believe she is the subject. Conversely the professor casts a shadow of doubts on what has been presented on the reading and he provides evidence to refute them.

First, the reading states that, several decades after Austen's death , Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters. However the professor says that, the portrait was authorized before her death, and she dead almost at age 70 years. So she had n't seen herself if the portrait is she or not?

Second, the reading claims that, the face in the portrait clearly resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch , which we know depicts Austen. But the professor says that, she has so many relatives, and many of them are still teenager at that time , so probably the portrait was for one of those relative.

Third, the reading argues that, although the painting is unsigned and undated , the style of the painting links it to Ozias Humphrey, who was active in the period when Austen was the age of the girl in the painting. But , the professor says that, the style links to a later date, and the portrait didn't sell when Austen was a teenage , but it sold when Austen had 27 years old. So it was older than the girl in the portrait.

Votes
Average: 6 (2 votes)
Essay Categories

and she dead almost at age 70 years
Description: what is the verb for this sentence? can you re-write this sentence?

one of those relative.
one of those relatives.

but it sold when Austen had 27 years old
but it is sold when Austen was 27 years old

flaws:
The details need to be more correct

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 19 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 12
No. of Words: 262 250
No. of Characters: 1155 1200
No. of Different Words: 133 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.023 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.408 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.273 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 57 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 35 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.818 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.526 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.818 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.428 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.65 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.237 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4