TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO6

There are several disadvantages numbered for online encyclopedias in compare with printed versions that some don’t agree with them for some reasons. In this essay I am going to bring the critical issues that has been said against the use of online encyclopedias and say why others don’t agree with them.

It has been said in the text that one off the disadvantages of online encyclopedia is that because any person can change or add information to them even if they are not academic specialist, they are not as accurate as they are expected to be while it is harder to change the information in the printed versions. Claimers say that online encyclopedias may not be perfect but they still have positive affects even if they have errors. And they also say that there is no guarantee that the printed encyclopedias don’t have any errors either.

Second of all it has been said that because of that any users including hackers and vandals can access and change or delete the parts of the online encyclopedia they may not be useful. But the lecturer disagrees with this point and says that writers usually protect their information and in many cases they put an unchangeable read-only documents online or if not there are special editors who follow the changes and eliminate the false and wrong information.

The third disadvantage of online encyclopedia has been said that is they focus too frequently and deep as the important information may get lost in them. The lecturer argues that this is not necessarily true and the encyclopedias with many academic judgments give a great diversity of views to its readers so that is advantageous.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

in compare with printed versions
in comparison with printed versions

critical issues that has been said
critical issues that have been said

any person can change or add information to them even if they are not academic specialist,
Description: 'them', 'they' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronouns.

has been said that is they focus too frequently
has been said that they focus too frequently

so that is advantageous.
so that it is advantageous.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 12
No. of Words: 282 250
No. of Characters: 1342 1200
No. of Different Words: 140 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.098 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.759 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.762 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 62 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 42 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.605 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.419 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.695 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.178 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4