Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opini

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Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some young adults prefer to be independence as early as they can do. On the other hand some prefers live with their family for a longer time. I think gaining an independence after high school while we are starting college is the best time to separate from our families. It gives us more freedom in our ideas and acts for being a real man/woman.

First of all, younger adults who start their independence life earlier than others tend to be more successful in their real life. Hence, they already know how to decide for their future, and moreover they are able to choose better solution from choices...

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Sentence: In conclusion, we are talking here about young adults which means after high school or starting to university years, and this years are the perfect time to live independently from our families.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and years

Sentence: Now, if I compare my self with my other friends who educated in other fields such as business school, they started to work sinde their first year in college.
Error: sinde Suggestion: since

flaws:
No. of Words: 660 350 (write the essay in half an hour)

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 27 in 30
Category: Excellent Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 34 15
No. of Words: 660 350
No. of Characters: 2897 1500
No. of Different Words: 261 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.069 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.389 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.364 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.412 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.562 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.453 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.202 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5