105) The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of Butler Manufacturing.
During the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. A recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. If we shorten each of our work shifts by one hour, we can improve Butler Manufacturing's safety record by ensuring that our employees are adequately rested.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this memo, the author points out that we can improve the worker's safe in Butler Manufacturing if we allow to use shorter work shifts. To support this conclusion, he/she says that there have a another company named Panoply where the work shifts are shortened, and a government study is cited to prove that more and more tired workers will induce these accidents. While this conclusion seems appealing, we still need more information or evidence help us evaluate this recommendation.
First off, we need some information about this so-called government study. Whether this study is accurate enough or not can help us decide to support this recommendation or disprove. It is possibility that this study just ask some places where there are great number of accidents and their workers usually need to do more works for their life. If it is the case, we cannot say this study would be helpful for us because this just some special circumstances and then we cannot support this recommendation. But if some evidence could show the opposite of such statement, then we are more likely to support it.
In addition, even if we concede that this study is correct, we also need some evidence to verify the correlation of shorter work shifts and people will have good rest. According to passage, the author represents workers of Panoply are more safe due to the shorten work shifts. However, we need more information about it. Absence of information cannot rule out the possibility that the worker of Panoply will use their time to do more things such like part-time jobs, then we cannot say these people will have good rest. On the other hand, if the evidence could show that these people usually spend time to sleep or other relax things, we are more likely to consider this suggestion.
Finally, granted that people who have shorten work shift will have good rest, we also cannot say this could help us improve the level of safe in factory. We still need to more evidence to show how will these people's skill. In other words, people who have bad operation skills will induce more accidents even if they are more alert and rested. Also, the environment of factory need to be considered. people who work in the harsh environment are more like to make mistakes and then cause these accidents. If some information can provide this information, then the author’s suggestion would be undermined and we need to think other ways to reduce the accidents. Otherwise, we would take this suggestion and help this factory.
To sum up, Although I know the good intent of author’s suggestion and it looks like quite convincing at first glance, we still need more evidence such as the accuracy of this study, the correlation of shorten work shifts and good rest and if people who have good rest will improve the level of safe. Without these information, we cannot make good decision about this situation.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 495 350
No. of Characters: 2338 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.717 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.723 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.444 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.979 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.386 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.278 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 110, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'using'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: using
...afe in Butler Manufacturing if we allow to use shorter work shifts. To support this co...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 194, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...conclusion, he/she says that there have a another company named Panoply where the...
^
Line 5, column 253, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...workers of Panoply are more safe due to the shorten work shifts. However, we need more info...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 39, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'shortened'.
Suggestion: shortened
... Finally, granted that people who have shorten work shift will have good rest, we also...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 400, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: People
...nment of factory need to be considered. people who work in the harsh environment are m...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 314, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this information' or 'these informations'?
Suggestion: this information; these informations
...will improve the level of safe. Without these information, we cannot make good decision about thi...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, look, so, still, then, while, in addition, in fact, such as, in other words, to sum up, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 32.0 12.9520958084 247% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 67.0 28.8173652695 232% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 31.0 16.3942115768 189% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2411.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 494.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 4.88056680162 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71445763274 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.57479136206 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 195.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.394736842105 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 763.2 705.55239521 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 4.96107784431 262% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.3798068429 57.8364921388 104% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.590909091 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.4545454545 23.324526521 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.59090909091 5.70786347227 115% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.109731260794 0.218282227539 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0441963263519 0.0743258471296 59% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0487010410747 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0822305917538 0.128457276422 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0463711622554 0.0628817314937 74% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.32 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.12 8.32208582834 86% => OK
difficult_words: 75.0 98.500998004 76% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.