The following appeared in an editorial from a magazine produced by an organization dedicated to environmental protection In order to effectively reduce the amount of environmental damage that industrial manufacturing plants cause those who manage the plan | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

Essay topics:

The following appeared in an editorial from a magazine produced by an organization dedicated to environmental protection:
“In order to effectively reduce the amount of environmental damage that industrial manufacturing plants cause, those who manage the plants must be aware of the specific amount and types of damage caused by each of their various manufacturing processes. However, few corporations have enough financial incentive to monitor this information. In order to guarantee that corporations reduce the damage caused by their plants, the federal government should require every corporation to produce detailed annual reports on the environmental impact of their manufacturing process, and the government should impose stiff financial penalties for failure to produce these reports.”

The article shows that if people want to loss weight,consuming sugar is better than consuming the artificial sweetener aspartame,because the artificial sweetener aspartame can trigger a craving for food,then people may will consume more food. Besides if people consume sugars after at least 45 minutes of continue exercise,their body’s ability to burn fat will be enhanced.
But the conclude that draw from evidence is weak.Since the author did not show the actual
number that if people consume the artificial sweetener aspartame,they will then consume more calories than if people consume the sugar,so we can not contrast these two number to draw conclusion which way that people consume will make they consume more calories actually.
Besides,the article do not show that if people consume the artificial sweetener aspartame after at least 45 minutes of continue exercise,their body’s ability of burn fat will become more efficient or no change.If people consume the artificial sweetener aspartame,their body’s ability of burn fat because more efficient,they will not get more fat,even if they consume more the artificial sweetener aspartame.And if people consume the artificial sweetener aspartame,their body’s ability of burn fat because less efficient or have no change,they sure will get more fat ,when they consume the artificial sweetener aspartame rather than consume sugar.
And the article show that it appears that people consume sugar will lose weight.This conclusion will not be true,because people only control their consuming of calorie,then they will have chance to loss weight ,so if people consume sugar,they will not lose weight.And the article have not show if there are other disadvantages about consuming sugar and about consuming the artificial sweetener aspartame.
Finally,the article should show more details about number of the two ways of consuming the artificial sweetener aspartame and sugar to support its conclusion,and the author should do more studies to get more detail dates to support its conclusion.Only then the author’s conclusion will be more accurate.

Votes

Essay Categories

GMAT/GRE Argument Task

Comments

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 53, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , consuming
...shows that if people want to loss weight,consuming sugar is better than consuming the arti...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 129, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , because
...uming the artificial sweetener aspartame,because the artificial sweetener aspartame can ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 203, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , then
...aspartame can trigger a craving for food,then people may will consume more food. Besi...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 244, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Besides,
...then people may will consume more food. Besides if people consume sugars after at least...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 323, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , their
...at least 45 minutes of continue exercise,their body’s ability to burn fat will be enha...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 5, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...lity to burn fat will be enhanced. But the conclude that draw from evidence is weak.Since t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 49, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Since
...onclude that draw from evidence is weak.Since the author did not show the actual num...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 65, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
...nsume the artificial sweetener aspartame,they will then consume more calories than if...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 135, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , so
...alories than if people consume the sugar,so we can not contrast these two number to...
^^^
Line 4, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...consume more calories actually. Besides,the article do not show that if people cons...
^^^^
Line 4, column 137, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , their
...at least 45 minutes of continue exercise,their body’s ability of burn fat will become ...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 187, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y’s ability of burn fat will become more efficient or no change.If people consume...
^^
Line 4, column 211, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...ill become more efficient or no change.If people consume the artificial sweetener...
^^
Line 4, column 263, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , their
...nsume the artificial sweetener aspartame,their body’s ability of burn fat because more...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 319, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
...ility of burn fat because more efficient,they will not get more fat,even if they cons...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 346, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , even
...ore efficient,they will not get more fat,even if they consume more the artificial swe...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 408, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: And
...more the artificial sweetener aspartame.And if people consume the artificial sweete...
^^^
Line 4, column 464, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , their
...nsume the artificial sweetener aspartame,their body’s ability of burn fat because less...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 538, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
...because less efficient or have no change,they sure will get more fat ,when they consu...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 566, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ve no change,they sure will get more fat ,when they consume the artificial sweeten...
^^
Line 5, column 80, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...t people consume sugar will lose weight.This conclusion will not be true,because peo...
^^^^
Line 5, column 112, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , because
... weight.This conclusion will not be true,because people only control their consuming of ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 167, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , then
... only control their consuming of calorie,then they will have chance to loss weight ,s...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 209, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...hen they will have chance to loss weight ,so if people consume sugar,they will not...
^^
Line 5, column 237, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
... loss weight ,so if people consume sugar,they will not lose weight.And the article ha...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 264, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: And
...consume sugar,they will not lose weight.And the article have not show if there are ...
^^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'showed', 'shown'.
Suggestion: showed; shown
...ot lose weight.And the article have not show if there are other disadvantages about ...
^^^^
Line 6, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...artificial sweetener aspartame. Finally,the article should show more details about ...
^^^^
Line 6, column 158, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , and
...tame and sugar to support its conclusion,and the author should do more studies to ge...
^^^^
Line 6, column 247, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Only
... detail dates to support its conclusion.Only then the author’s conclusion will be mo...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, besides, but, finally, if, may, so, then, at least

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 19.6327345309 31% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 25.0 55.5748502994 45% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 1.0 16.3942115768 6% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1793.0 2260.96107784 79% => OK
No of words: 318.0 441.139720559 72% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.63836477987 5.12650576532 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.22286093782 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.08978067034 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 126.0 204.123752495 62% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.396226415094 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 565.2 705.55239521 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 19.7664670659 30% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 53.0 22.8473053892 232% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 161.274868883 57.8364921388 279% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 298.833333333 119.503703932 250% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 53.0 23.324526521 227% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 10.0 5.70786347227 175% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 30.0 5.25449101796 571% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.00456035957263 0.218282227539 2% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0031707419174 0.0743258471296 4% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.00450158593598 0.0701772020484 6% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.00650883651841 0.128457276422 5% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0110859556742 0.0628817314937 18% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 31.6 14.3799401198 220% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 0.76 48.3550499002 2% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 14.6 7.1628742515 204% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 26.3 12.197005988 216% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 16.32 12.5979740519 130% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.1 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 57.0 98.500998004 58% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 23.2 11.1389221557 208% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 20.0 11.9071856287 168% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, besides, but, finally, if, may, so, then, at least

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments