The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, there is clearly a call for the government to strive to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents by launching an education program that concentrates on the factors other than helmet use that are necessary for bicycle safety."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The writer in his letter states that the reason for the rise in bicycle-related accidents is due to the increase in the use of helmets by cyclists. However, while the conclusion drawn by the author might hold water, it rests on unfounded assumptions that, if not substantiated, would dramatically weaken the persuasiveness of the argument. Thus before the argument can be properly evaluated and analyze, the following pieces of evidence must be provided.
First, the writer states that the reason for the rise in accidents is that the cyclists while employing safety measures by use of helmets, feel safer, and are subsequently willing to take more risks. It is possible, however, that there are several other reasons for the accidents. For instance, it is possible that motorists are not being properly trained in road safety and they contribute to a large amount of cycling-related accidents. Or perhaps, the road conditions have deteriorated within the ten year period and the precarious state of the roads has contributed to an increase in accidents, both cycling and vehicular related. If either of these scenarios is true, then the conclusion drawn by the writer is significantly weakened.
Secondly, the writer also assumes that within the ten year period, there has not been a substantial increase in the number of cyclists, possibly doubling or tripling the figure, thereby rendering the argument that accidents are caused mainly by negligence flawed. For instance, if the number of cyclists ten years ago was 100 with 20 reported cycling accidents and the population has dramatically increased to 1000, then a 200% increase in accidents does not properly reflect the distribution of the population. Perhaps, the government currently has measures in place to educate cyclists about bicycle safety and impose strong sanctions on the use of helmets. If the author provides evidence as regards the issues above, then his argument can be strengthened.
In conclusion, the arguments as it stands is fundamentally flawed. In order for the writer to substantiate his claim, evidence in support of the points stated above have to be provided. This evidence would ascertain if the rise in accidents is solely due to negligence on the part of the cyclist are there are other reasons why there has been a spike in reported cases.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 378 350
No. of Characters: 1907 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.409 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.045 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.862 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.217 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.733 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.346 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.534 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 341, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...ken the persuasiveness of the argument. Thus before the argument can be properly eva...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, thus, while, as regards, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1959.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 378.0 441.139720559 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.18253968254 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.40933352052 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95128201087 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.486772486772 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 616.5 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.6827428177 57.8364921388 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.6 119.503703932 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.2 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.4 5.70786347227 130% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101286124261 0.218282227539 46% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0309504810947 0.0743258471296 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0381227139781 0.0701772020484 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0610761295347 0.128457276422 48% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0397734733547 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.6 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.06 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.8 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 98.500998004 95% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.