The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.
"In a controlled laboratory study of liquid hand soaps, a concentrated solution of extra strength UltraClean hand soap produced a 40 percent greater reduction in harmful bacteria than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During our recent test of regular-strength UltraClean with doctors, nurses, and visitors at our hospital in Worktown, the hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection (a 20 percent reduction) than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations, including those used by visitors, throughout our hospital system."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The director of a large group hospitals indicates that supplying ultraclean at all hand throughout hospital system is beneficial to preventing serious patient infections. To buttress his/her argument, the memo cites the following evidences: first, ultraclean hand soap produced a 40 precent greater reduction in harmful bacteria than currently used liquid hand soap in a controlled laboratory; second, due to usage of ultraclean, their hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patitent infection than did any of other hospitals. Though the issue has its own merit, owing to lack of convincing evidences and unaddressed assumptions, the conclusion is unsubstantiated.
To begin with, the memo suggests the result of comparison between ultraclean and normally used liquid hand soap in a controlled loboratory. however, we have to notice that the impact and effectiveness of these two kinds hand soap are tested under the well-designed environment, which does not necessarily apply to the our true living cirstumstances. There can be multiple variance between laboratory and hospital, such as the type of bacteria. For example, harmful bacteria perhaps have various properties in the hopital, and they are more likely to spread within groups of people. if bacteria behaves differently in the human environment, then the result in the lab is unpersuasive.
Moreover, the author unfairly ascribes the fact that fewer cases of infection in their hospital to the effectiveness of ultraclean. many other potential factors remain unexamined. it is plausible that their hospital has fewer patients than any other ones, so results in fewer cases of infection. In addition, this hospital can also have fewer serious patients who are susupetible to the infection. In this case, it is natural that less people would be infected. Therefore, the major cause behind fewer cases of infection might not be solely the impact of ultraclean. Furthermore, the number of hospital reported does not necessarily the correct the amount of patient infection. reporter, hoping to advocate the use of ultraclean, might underestimate the true infected patients.
Last but not least, the author assumes that supplying ultraclean at all hand throught hospital systems is essential to prevent serious patient infection. however, such assumption, although seems valid at first glance, is invalid after further investigation. The author fails to provide the detailed information of the test. Was ultraclean provided at all hand-washing stations during this test? How many doctors, nurses, and visitors participated in this case respetively? did all kinds of patients involve in the test? The test, addly, took place only in worktown. What if worktown is very different from other hospitals in their hospital systems? is worktown able to represent all characteristics of whole hospital systems? Without answering the aforementioned questions, we cannot draw any conclusion about the feasibility of this proposal. The memo also forgets to mention the total cost of supplying ultraclean at all hand. does the benefit exceed the cost largely? if individual price of ultraclean is much higher than hand soap that they are currently using, and the reduction is minor, then it is not reasonable to advocate such replacement.
To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion in the memo is relied on several questionable assumptions and incomplete evidences. In order to further strengthen the argument, the director is recommended to add the evidences as follows: first, whether ultraclean is more effective in preventing infection not only limited to laboratory, but also in normal environement; second, whether ultraclean is the major cause behind reduction of patient infection, after excluding all other possible factors; third, whether ultraclean is advantaguous in the entire hospital system.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The director of a large group hospitals indicates that supplying ultraclean at all hand throughout hospital system is beneficial to preventing serious patient infections.
Description: The fragment hospitals indicates that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace indicates with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Description: The fragment supplying ultraclean at is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace ultraclean with adverb
Sentence: To buttress his/her argument, the memo cites the following evidences: first, ultraclean hand soap produced a 40 precent greater reduction in harmful bacteria than currently used liquid hand soap in a controlled laboratory; second, due to usage of ultraclean, their hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patitent infection than did any of other hospitals.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to his and /
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, proper, genitive
Suggestion: Refer to laboratory and ;
Sentence: To begin with, the memo suggests the result of comparison between ultraclean and normally used liquid hand soap in a controlled loboratory. however, we have to notice that the impact and effectiveness of these two kinds hand soap are tested under the well-designed environment, which does not necessarily apply to the our true living cirstumstances.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a comma
Suggestion: Refer to with and ,
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to kinds and hand
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to the and our
Sentence: Furthermore, the number of hospital reported does not necessarily the correct the amount of patient infection. reporter, hoping to advocate the use of ultraclean, might underestimate the true infected patients.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to correct and the
Sentence: Last but not least, the author assumes that supplying ultraclean at all hand throught hospital systems is essential to prevent serious patient infection. however, such assumption, although seems valid at first glance, is invalid after further investigation.
Description: The fragment supplying ultraclean at is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace ultraclean with adverb
argument 1 -- OK, but more: a 40 percent greater reduction may be because of a concentrated solution.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 590 350
No. of Characters: 3184 1500
No. of Different Words: 272 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.928 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.397 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.955 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 243 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 203 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 156 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 104 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.095 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.776 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 31, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'hospital'?
Suggestion: hospital
The director of a large group hospitals indicates that supplying ultraclean at ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 141, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...d hand soap in a controlled loboratory. however, we have to notice that the impact and ...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 315, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'our'?
Suggestion: the; our
...nt, which does not necessarily apply to the our true living cirstumstances. There can b...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 583, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...kely to spread within groups of people. if bacteria behaves differently in the hum...
^^
Line 7, column 133, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Many
...tal to the effectiveness of ultraclean. many other potential factors remain unexamin...
^^^^
Line 7, column 181, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...er potential factors remain unexamined. it is plausible that their hospital has fe...
^^
Line 7, column 361, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...al can also have fewer serious patients who are susupetible to the infection. In this c...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 432, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun people is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...ction. In this case, it is natural that less people would be infected. Therefore, th...
^^^^
Line 7, column 679, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Reporter
...orrect the amount of patient infection. reporter, hoping to advocate the use of ultracle...
^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 155, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...l to prevent serious patient infection. however, such assumption, although seems valid ...
^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 474, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Did
... participated in this case respetively? did all kinds of patients involve in the te...
^^^
Line 11, column 650, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Is
...er hospitals in their hospital systems? is worktown able to represent all characte...
^^
Line 11, column 930, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Does
...st of supplying ultraclean at all hand. does the benefit exceed the cost largely? if...
^^^^
Line 11, column 972, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...es the benefit exceed the cost largely? if individual price of ultraclean is much ...
^^
Line 14, column 566, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ntaguous in the entire hospital system.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, moreover, second, so, then, therefore, third, well, for example, in addition, such as, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 84.0 55.5748502994 151% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3287.0 2260.96107784 145% => OK
No of words: 589.0 441.139720559 134% => OK
Chars per words: 5.58064516129 5.12650576532 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.92639038232 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.07806335472 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 292.0 204.123752495 143% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.495755517827 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 1016.1 705.55239521 144% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 83.7848316994 57.8364921388 145% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.032258065 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 15.0 5.25449101796 285% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 15.0 4.67664670659 321% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.205434701125 0.218282227539 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0459062082742 0.0743258471296 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0673214387369 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.128413083984 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0916019620604 0.0628817314937 146% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 14.3799401198 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.3550499002 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.08 12.5979740519 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.98 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 164.0 98.500998004 166% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.