The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo Inc a chain of hobby shops Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon We discovered that there a

Essay topics:

The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.

"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."

The argument concludes that HobCo should choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for their next HobCo Hobby Shop as it willdraw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers. The conclusion is based on the premise that hobby business has increased, there are not many competitors and shops and Grilldon has a large population of retired people; all of these factors will increase the business of new shop and will draw large number of customers. The reasoning in the argument is logically flawed, however, as it relies on a number of assumptions, which appear to be unsupported due to lack of appropriate data and information.

First, the author needs to provide information on future plans of people or competitors who are looking to set up hobby shops in the Grilldon area. The claim that there are no hobby shops is weak and a bit stretched without this evidence. The argument will be strengthened if the author provides evidence on the future expansions plans of competitors, their scope and range of operations. For example, it might be the case that a number of reputed companies are also planning to set their hobby shops in the town in near future, which could dent the performance of HobCo. In addition, it could be the case that competitors who are planning to establish hobby business have a good track record and are accepted readily by the consumers. This again can hamper the business of HobCo company in future. Consequently, without the above mentioned convincing evidence, the argument stands weak.

Second, reliability of poll needs to established. The author should provide information on demographic area covered by the poll in the Grilldon. For example, it might be that poll was biased and was conducted in a particular part of the town where there were large number of children or retired people. As a result, the polls could be skewed and might not reflect the true trends of the town. In addition, past records concerning the accuracy of previous polls conducted by the agency needs to be produced to strengthen the accuracy of the results. It can be that the polling agency or group in a novice in this field and has not produced accurate results in their past endeavors in the field of surveys and polls. Therefore, the author should provide evidence on the past track record of the agency. Also, the data on the manner in which poll was conducted needs to provided like type of questions asked, manner in which questions were framed etc. All these factors have a considerable impact on the polling results.

Finally, the argument mentions that Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. This statement is weak and unsupported without specific information of Grilldon. The author must provide evidence on the localized increase in the hobby business in Grilldon. In addition, the argument mentions that Grilldon has a very large population of retirees. This claim would be strengthened if the exact number of retired people in town are quantified. Also, a survey showing the percentage of retired people actually interested in hobby activities and upto what scale and limit should be presented. Besides, the argument should provide information on type of activities retired people are willing to acquire and embrace. Without this evidence, claim in the argument stands weak.

In conclusion, the argument relies on a number of assumptions and lack of adequate data to support its claim. If the author would have demonstrated the role of competitors, reliability of poll and data on retired people, the argument would have been strengthened. without this additional support, there is no reason to accept the reasoning in the argument

Votes
Average: 6.1 (14 votes)
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Comments

flaws:
No. of Words: 623 350
Write the essay in 30 minutes. For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.

argument 1 -- OK

argument 2 -- not OK. Don't ask evidence or data. But try to accept whatever the data available are true.

argument 3 -- not OK. This is not the way for GRE arguments. You need to find out flaws or loopholes from the data provided. Don't ask extra data or evidence.

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Need to analyze the structure of the statement and argue accordingly:

condition 1:
We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon.

condition 2:
Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade.

condition 3:
In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies.

then here goes the argument:

argument 1:
Your argument 1 is OK.

argument 2:
How is the future trend? or maybe Grilldon is an exception of 'a region of the nation'.

argument 3:
'a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies' is not equal to 'really want to have a hobby'; or they have a hobby which is for reading, they will go to book stores.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 623 350
No. of Characters: 3059 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.996 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.91 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.669 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 226 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 166 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 122 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 67 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.76 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.679 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.3 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.47 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.079 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Submitted by anubhav1989 on Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:04

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I wrote this very essay under the stipulated time frame in Ets score it now and got a score of 5; I fail t understand the reasons for such huge discrepancy.

Nonetheless, the prompt in the argument asked for the extra evidence required/ questions which needs to be answered to establish the claim. By pointing out to the questions which the argument/the author needs to answer I am just following the question prompt. Probably I could have stressed more on the loopholes and ifs and buts possibilities, but the evidence that is required needs to be mentioned.
Please explain where I exactly went wrong?

First take a look at your argument 2, we can easily prove it is not correct: you can apply the same argument with the same text to any other essays with a poll since you can ask same questions. By this way, GRE exam will become easy.

For the poll, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon, you can ask how many retirees have taking part in the poll. If people in the poll are all young people, 88% doesn't mean something.

for the argument 3, you asked: 'The author must provide evidence on the localized increase in the hobby business in Grilldon.', suppose the evidence is available, is it going to prove the hobby business will be a good business? not really.

and you said: 'the argument mentions that Grilldon has a very large population of retirees. This claim would be strengthened if the exact number of retired people in town are quantified.'. Suppose we can provide you those data you wanted, then you think there are no loopholes?

Submitted by anubhav1989 on Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:09

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Excerpt from My argument 2

The author should provide information on demographic area covered by the poll in the Grilldon. For example, it might be that poll was biased and was conducted in a particular part of the town where there were large number of children or retired people. As a result, the polls could be skewed and might not reflect the true trends of the town.

Havn't I exposed a possible loophole or shortcoming in the argument?

Please explain