The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
New Ventures Consulting made a prediction that a HobCo shob in southeast Grilldon based on some statistic data. However, a closer investigation of these data will display the holes and flaws exsiting this this predition. In order to make the predication more accurate, a few questions need to answered.
To begin with, the memo used a poll conducted in Grilldon with an 88% rate of welcoming a hobby shop. However, how representative can this survey result be? If only a very small population was participating in the poll, the result cannot strongly indicate this is the tendency for most of the residents living in southeastern Grilldon. Therefore, the company needs to find out how many people took the survey as well as the population in southeastern area.
Secondly, the consulting company said that Grilldon has many retired people who have plenty of time to develop hobbies. However, having time available is not equivalent to actually embarking on hobbies. Therefore, a survey among retirees in Grilldon concerning to their pasttime will be beneficial. Besides, it is also necessary to find out where these retired people live in Grilldon. If this target group are scattered around or live in other parts of town, they may not want to travel to the southeastern part of the city to visit the hobby shop.
What is more, the consulting company also quoted a national data and arguing that Grilldon is located in a region where the hobby industry has been growing expotentially. However, this data cannot support the assumption that this growth can be applied to Grilldon as well. Grilldon may be one of the areas in the whole region where the hobby industry is not developing that fast. Therefore, it will also be constructive to figure out whether Grilldon’s hobby industry has been growing for the past decade.
In conclusion, New Ventures Consulting’s prediction on the success of the hobby shop is based on assumptions that are rife with flaws. In order to increase its likelihood, it is indispensidble to further exmaine the questions discussed above.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: New Ventures Consulting made a prediction that a HobCo shob in southeast Grilldon based on some statistic data.
Error: shob Suggestion: show
Sentence: However, a closer investigation of these data will display the holes and flaws exsiting this this predition.
Error: predition Suggestion: prediction
Error: exsiting Suggestion: exciting
Sentence: Therefore, a survey among retirees in Grilldon concerning to their pasttime will be beneficial.
Error: pasttime Suggestion: pastime
Sentence: What is more, the consulting company also quoted a national data and arguing that Grilldon is located in a region where the hobby industry has been growing expotentially.
Error: expotentially Suggestion: exponentially
Sentence: In order to increase its likelihood, it is indispensidble to further exmaine the questions discussed above.
Error: indispensidble Suggestion: indispensable
Error: exmaine Suggestion: examine
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argument 1 -- not OK. In GRE, we have to accept all data or evidence are true. It is important to find out loopholes behind surveys or studies. Loopholes mean that we accept all surveys told are true, but there are some conditions applied, for example:
It works for time A (10 years ago), but it doesn't mean it works for time B (nowadays).
It works for location A (a city, community, nation), but it doesn't mean it works for location B (another city, community, nation).
It works for people A (a manager), but it doesn't mean it works for people B (a worker).
It works for event A (one event, project... ), but it doesn't mean it works for event B (another event, project...).
It works for A and B, but not C.
more...
in this topic, '88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop' is not equal to '88% of them will really develop hobbies'.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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flaws:
need one more argument:
We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 342 350
No. of Characters: 1682 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.3 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.918 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.792 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.869 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.554 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.054 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 201, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: this
...ll display the holes and flaws exsiting this this predition. In order to make the predica...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 15, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...g for the past decade. In conclusion, New Ventures Consulting's predictio...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, besides, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, therefore, well, in conclusion, as well as, to begin with, what is more
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1745.0 2260.96107784 77% => OK
No of words: 342.0 441.139720559 78% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10233918129 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.30037696126 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95094145487 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 178.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.520467836257 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 549.9 705.55239521 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.6052035097 57.8364921388 55% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 96.9444444444 119.503703932 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.55555555556 5.70786347227 132% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.18807867688 0.218282227539 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0586636296419 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0631134188054 0.0701772020484 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.110554784744 0.128457276422 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.037885403671 0.0628817314937 60% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.3 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.41 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 70.83 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.