The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.
"Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our alpaca overcoat. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand. Also, since the price of most types of clothing has increased in each of the past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company profits will increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
P#1
Five years ago, company Sartorian stopped the production of alpaca overcoat due to the lack of high quality woo fabric. Now the new vice president believes that the production could be recover and there are huge potential profit because the demand of customer are high as alpaca overcoat is rare now. Also, the development of the economy make the price of alpaca coat higher, leading to feasible huge profit. However, from my prospective, some further evidences would weaken or strengthen this argument, which are as follows:
P#2
First, the evidence that the alpaca overcoat is still in fashion is needed. The high demand of customer may not be true if we only know that the production of alpaca overcoat has been stopped for years. If it is out fashion, then it would be meaningless to recover the production as no one would buy things that are out fashion. Fashion is the basic of high demand thus the evidence that alpaca overcoat is still in fashion is of great vital.
P#3
Also, the evident that the cost rise slower than the price of alpaca overcoat is needed. If we want to gain huge positive profit, then we need to make sure that the cost grows slower than the price. If so, then the profit which equals to price minus cost would be positive big. However, in the material we can only be sure that the price is higher, however, if the cost of cloth rise more than price, then the profit of alpaca overcoat is decreasing which is what we don’t want to see.
P#4
What’s more, in investment we shouldn’t judge a deal only by its profit, so the evidence that the variance of the price of overcoat should also be provided. If the variance is too high, then although the expected return of this deal could be high, but its sharp ration which equals to expected return divided standard deviation would be high too, making this a gamble. So we need to know that if the need of the overcoat is stable thus its variance could be low, only in this case can the deal be good.
P#5
If the evidence we have discussed follow could be considered, I am greatly convinced that the argument could be more persuasive and the vice president could consider the deal more thoroughly.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 398 350
No. of Characters: 1734 1500
No. of Different Words: 166 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.467 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.357 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.288 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 112 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 75 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.302 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.406 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.406 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.229 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 321, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'fashioned'.
Suggestion: fashioned
...as no one would buy things that are out fashion. Fashion is the basic of high demand th...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, still, then, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 34.0 55.5748502994 61% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1805.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 391.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.61636828645 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44676510885 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.33076113301 2.78398813304 84% => OK
Unique words: 171.0 204.123752495 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.437340153453 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 557.1 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.0393101969 57.8364921388 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.333333333 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.0666666667 23.324526521 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.8 5.70786347227 67% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.142855808374 0.218282227539 65% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0602955618757 0.0743258471296 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.06472965943 0.0701772020484 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0887613813879 0.128457276422 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0449895116242 0.0628817314937 72% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.01 48.3550499002 128% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.81 12.5979740519 78% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.35 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 60.0 98.500998004 61% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.