The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of movie-rental stores.
"In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten movie-rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 p.m. rather than 9:00 p.m. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores."
The author of this memorandum is concerned with the declining profits and aims to curb these losses by stating some policies. But in my opinion, the author's claims are flawed and based on unsubstantiated assumptions. So, I think the author's argument is unpersuasive due to the following reasons.
Firstly, the author states that in order to terminate the decline in profits, the author suggests reducing operating expenses at Movie Galore's ten movie rental store. But, the author does not mention any details about how to reduce these expenses. Had the author mentioned any unnecessary expenses which had led to increase in the expenses it would be more conclusive. If the author tries to eliminate the fundamental expenses, it would, on the contrary, lead to a further decline in sales. So, the author needs to devise a strategy on which expenses to curb and how to go about it in increasing the profits.
Secondly, the author says that raising rental prices may not be a good idea for improving profits. Yes, I believe that raising prices would hamper their sales, however, in my opinion, the movies to be rented must be divided into different categories namely trending and past. If the author raises the rental price on only the trending movies, it would not have any detrimental effects on his sales rather it will be beneficial for the author as people buy anything that is trending without any hesitation. Also, the author further claims that closing the store at 6:00 pm rather than 9:00 pm and eliminating old stocks would decrease its operating expenses and bring the author profits. But in my view, the author's claims are based on presumptuous. It is possible that the store which closes at 6:00 pm is located at a remote location and people in the area do not come out after 6:00 pm. So, in that case early closure would reduce their expenses, but same cannot be said for the other nine stores. So I feel that a similar policy for the rest of the nine stores does not guarantee any profit for them.
Therefore, in conclusion, collective thinking for all the ten stores does not assure the
stoppage in decline. Every store must strategize a unique plan based on its location, the types of movies people prefer living in that area, and so on. So all in all, I feel that the author's claims are flawed and based on incogent reasons. Had the author kept the above suggestions in mind, it would have bolstered the claims. The author's claims should me well-reasoned to make them more convincing.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 437 350
No. of Characters: 2021 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.572 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.625 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.511 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 152 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.81 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.34 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.762 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.367 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.149 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 234, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...stantiated assumptions. So, I think the authors argument is unpersuasive due to the fol...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 340, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'claim'.
Suggestion: claim
... have bolstered the claims. The authors claims should me well-reasoned to make them mo...
^^^^^^
Line 8, column 401, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...-reasoned to make them more convincing.
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, therefore, well, i feel, i think, in conclusion, in my opinion, in my view, on the contrary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2079.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 433.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.80138568129 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56165014514 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55421822543 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 214.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.494226327945 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 648.0 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.4804479554 57.8364921388 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.0 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.619047619 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.52380952381 5.70786347227 132% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.173589202533 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0556329648435 0.0743258471296 75% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0928378131965 0.0701772020484 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0991370508306 0.128457276422 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0542330872546 0.0628817314937 86% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.56 12.5979740519 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.24 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.