The following appeared in a memorandum written by the chair of the music department to the president of Omega University Mental health experts have observed that symptoms of mental illness are less pronounced in many patients after group music therapy ses

Essay topics:

The following appeared in a memorandum written by the chair of the music department to the president of Omega University. “Mental health experts have observed that symptoms of mental illness are less pronounced in many patients after group music-therapy sessions, and job openings in the music-therapy field have increased during the past year. Consequently, graduates from our degree program for music therapists should have no trouble finding good positions. To help improve the financial status of Omega University, we should therefore expand our music-therapy degree program by increasing its enrollment targets.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The memorandum written by the chair of the music department to the president of Omega University states that according to the Mental Health experts symptoms of mental illness are less pronounced in patients after group music-therapy sessions thereby increasing job openings during the past year. The president then makes an intriguing assumption stating that the graduates from the degree program should not have any trouble finding new jobs as result of increase in job openings. Finally the memorandum concludes by stating that the Omega University should therefore expand their music-therapy degree program by increasing enrollment targets. However, the extent of mental health experts findings needs to be analyzed along with the given assumptions from the Omega University's President to formalize the stated conclusion.

Mental health awareness is an elephant in the room that people tend to ignore at times. It is very important that we address the issue with concern and find a way to mitigate it. The argument states that experts have suggested a decrease in symptoms of mental illness in patients after group music-therapy sessions which in turn increased the job openings in the music-therapy fields during the past year. However, we need to evaluate the extent of the survey conducted by the University and the mental health experts. If the survey is to be considered true then the increase in number of job openings sounds plausible. But, there is a possibility that the observations of these experts regarding such findings are temporary, meaning increase in enrollment is also temporary. Then the university's claim that graduates from the degree program should not have any trouble finding good positions is also temporary and not beneficial in the long run for its students.

The argument supports the claim by adding that expanding the music-therapy degree programs would help them increase more enrollments ultimately benefiting its students. However, the university fails to substantiate data that would support the above mentioned argument. It is essential to understand the extent of such music-therapy programs offered by the university to conclude that its graduate students will not have any trouble finding good positions. The argument does not provide enough statistics to strengthen the arguments claim that the university is a good option for any student seeking to enroll for music-therapy degree program.

In conclusion, the memorandum does not provide enough data and statistics that would support the mental health experts findings and increase in enrollment of music-therapy degree programs. The argument fails to substantiate the conclusion stated by the president of the university with details strengthening the argument and its assumption.

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Average: 6 (2 votes)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 482, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
... as result of increase in job openings. Finally the memorandum concludes by stating tha...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 520, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...iversity and the mental health experts. If the survey is to be considered true the...
^^
Line 3, column 711, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...of these experts regarding such findings are temporary, meaning increase in enrol...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, however, if, regarding, so, then, therefore, in conclusion

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2358.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 427.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 5.52224824356 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54576487731 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9359818018 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 183.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.428571428571 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 724.5 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.2215138156 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.705882353 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.1176470588 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.58823529412 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.364241185734 0.218282227539 167% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.126609064193 0.0743258471296 170% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.14696508852 0.0701772020484 209% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.242878386873 0.128457276422 189% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.111357308647 0.0628817314937 177% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.1 14.3799401198 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.03 12.5979740519 119% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.76 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 427 350
No. of Characters: 2325 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.546 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.445 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.904 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 194 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 150 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 112 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.118 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.553 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.369 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.132 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5