The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine. "A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
The faster growth and higher margin is main concern for success of firm. A firm can be more successful if the peoples are working at there are more arduous and sincere about their work. While it may be true that people sleep less and dedicate their leisure time to do more work to get faster growth of business, this author’s argument does not make a cogency between amount of less sleep and success of the firm. This argument rife with holes and assumption, and thus, not strong enough to lead the association between success of firm with less sleep.
Citing survey by considering 300 male and female shows that if the executives of the firms take sleep less than 6 hours then firm would get more success. It is not clear ,however, the scope and validating of that survey. The argument assume that less sleep of executive would be the major factor of higher margin and escalating the growth of firm. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, reliable , it can not be used to effectively back the author’s argument.
Additionally, Success of the any firm is depend on every employee who are working in firm. Here survey about only just executive of firms. The argument never addresses the labor’s sleep who are also essential part of the firm. The author also does not mention those people who take more sleep and also would got more growth and success of firm. It is possible that people working less by doing smart work than the hard work may get more benefit from the firms. Furthermore, the argument omit the important evidence such as what type of business is. For example, if the business is about software making organization then that organization need smart work than hard work. So that, software companies need more sleep than doing more time work.
Secondly, if business is about car manufacturer then they need more time to work with car . So it might be possible that this car manufacturer organization’s employee need less than 6 hours sleep to get growth of organization. In addition to this, this survey is done by considering only small number of people. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would get benefit from asking a wide range.
Moreover, the author does not effectively clarify the care about which category of employee should hire because in any firm many type of employees are there and here the argument is about only executive of firms. However, this author’s argument is not likely significantly persuade the correlation between sleep of person and prosperity of the firm. If author wish to prove less sleep is primary factor of successful firm, they must consider the other potential parameters.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 452 350
No. of Characters: 2143 1500
No. of Different Words: 188 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.611 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.741 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.44 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.652 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.498 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.739 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.336 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 722, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... would get more success. It is not clear ,however, the scope and validating of tha...
^^
Line 1, column 787, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'assumes'.
Suggestion: assumes
...validating of that survey. The argument assume that less sleep of executive would be t...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 959, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...is fully representative, valid, reliable , it can not be used to effectively back ...
^^
Line 1, column 1065, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'depended'.
Suggestion: depended
...dditionally, Success of the any firm is depend on every employee who are working in fi...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 1332, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'get'
Suggestion: get
...ople who take more sleep and also would got more growth and success of firm. It is ...
^^^
Line 1, column 1855, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...hen they need more time to work with car . So it might be possible that this car m...
^^
Line 1, column 2289, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: 'many types'.
Suggestion: many types
...mployee should hire because in any firm many type of employees are there and here the arg...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, thus, while, for example, in addition, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2195.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 451.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.86696230599 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.60833598836 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56362017371 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.430155210643 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 678.6 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 42.1078370768 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.4347826087 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.6086956522 23.324526521 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.26086956522 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 1.0 5.15768463074 19% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.119195725986 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0429209392732 0.0743258471296 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0425006730069 0.0701772020484 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.119195725986 0.128457276422 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0628817314937 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.97 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.24 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.