The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.*
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.*
The argument asserts that the birth order have impact on an individual's levels of stimulation based on a recent study, which results from that among eighteen sample rhesus monkeys, firstborn infant monkey produces higher hormone cortisol than their siblings and the same phenomenon can be detected on humans. It is inculpable to conclude such a theory from the said facts, but the argument is so cursory that it omits considerable reasoning approaches, which might invalidate the credibility of the argument per se.
First and foremost, the conclusion is extrapolated from a study of eighteen rhesus monkeys. It is questionable that the certain species of monkeys can represent the whole species of monkeys not to mention other species. Even though we accede that the rhesus can bear such a role to predict other species of monkeys, the utilized maker - hormone cortisol - can't be introduced to assess the individual's levels of stimulation without abundant proof. Because the studied object is the relationship between the birth order and the individual's levels of stimulation, then all the factors except birth order are supposed to be eradicated. However, the study obviously violates the principle of single variable for it involves the age of the monkeys, or rather, the different maturity level of monkeys, which might, to some extent, weaken the authenticity of the study.
Second, the author mentions that the similar phenomenon can be detected on humans. Apparently the author considers monkeys and humans as two species to consolidate the argument, but there might exist bias on the selected sample like that there are only eighteen rhesus monkeys taken into account and the author even doesn't provide the information of human participants in the study. Although we accept the sample is indiscriminate, there are still obstacles for the author to put forward the result, because there might be certain similarity between monkeys and humans that is attributed to the result, similarity which can not be found on other species such as cats, birds.
Third, the author includes finding about first-time mothers, which have higher levels of cortisol than those who already have several offsprings. This finding is not cogent to verify the conclusion since the first-time mother is not necessarily the first-born, which means the higher cortisol of the first-time mother doesn't represent higher cortisol of the first-born infant. In addition, the finding doesn't offer information of the fetus, meaning the author omits the target of the study, which incurs more holes in the conclusion.
All in all, the author is in need of supplementing strong evidence to render the conclusion reasonable and defendable. Just as mentioned above, exacting variable control methods should be considered and the studying sample should cover more distinct species to avoid bias and deviation so as to champion a general and universal conclusion. Moreover, redundant and irrelevant information is to be discarded and effective evidence is supposed to be illustrated with arranged logic, such as the fist-time mother example, to some degree, digressing from the core analysis, needing modifying to support the cardinal argument.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
This is an new GRE essay topic. It is not asked to argue, but 'discuss one or more alternative explanations'. The correct explanations go here:
https://www.testbig.com/comment/42389#comment-42389
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 507 350
No. of Characters: 2657 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.745 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.241 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.741 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 218 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 159 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 108 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.688 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.389 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.607 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.137 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 357, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...the utilized maker - hormone cortisol - cant be introduced to assess the individuals...
^^^^
Line 6, column 317, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... taken into account and the author even doesnt provide the information of human partic...
^^^^^^
Line 8, column 319, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...igher cortisol of the first-time mother doesnt represent higher cortisol of the first-...
^^^^^^
Line 8, column 403, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...t-born infant. In addition, the finding doesnt offer information of the fetus, meaning...
^^^^^^
Line 10, column 287, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...nct species to avoid bias and deviation so as to champion a general and universal conclu...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
apparently, but, first, however, if, moreover, second, so, still, then, third, as to, in addition, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2720.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 504.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.39682539683 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73813722054 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79522941878 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 242.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.480158730159 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 842.4 705.55239521 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 31.0 22.8473053892 136% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 71.6196551234 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 170.0 119.503703932 142% => OK
Words per sentence: 31.5 23.324526521 135% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.625 5.70786347227 116% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.150164727824 0.218282227539 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0550368943545 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0651160354338 0.0701772020484 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0854784752536 0.128457276422 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.072947214851 0.0628817314937 116% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.8 14.3799401198 138% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 31.55 48.3550499002 65% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.6 12.197005988 136% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.63 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.62 8.32208582834 116% => OK
difficult_words: 142.0 98.500998004 144% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.4 11.1389221557 129% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.