The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid — a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil — as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author argues that eat citizens of West Meria should use Ichthaid every day in order to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. He has come to this conclusion based on findings in a study near East Meria, where they found that fish consumption decreased doctor visits for colds. However, before the strength of this argument can be properly evaluated, three pieces of evidence must be assessed.
First of all, the author must demonstrate that the benefits of fish oil found at East Meria can be generalized to citizens of West Meria. Perhaps the lifestyle’s of East Meria citizens is significantly healthier than those in West Meria. That is, it is possible that East Meria people tend to have healthier diets, exercise more, and get more sleep. Alternatively, maybe West Meria people hare poor diets, do not exercise, and get minimum sleep hours. All of these factors play a large role in an individual’s immune system. That being said, if any of the scenarios has merit, then it is possible that the nutritional supplement would not provide any significant benefits to people of West Meria, as fish oil only acts as one of many defence mechanisms to the cold.
Second of all, the author must demonstrate that the likelihood of catching a cold in East Meria is equally as likely as catching one in West Meria. It is possible that the weather at East Meria is warmer and seldum have heavy windstorms. On the contrary, West Meria may be located closer to water and is therefore a lot colder and windier. In addition, perhaps East Meria has clothing stores with items suitable for cold weather whereas West Meria’s clothing stores do not have many affordable items that offer a lot of warmth. If any of the above are true, then the author’s argument would be significantly weakened, as West Meria citizens are exposed to lower tempoeratures and the consumption of fish oil may not be sufficient to prevent a cold.
Even the use of Ichthaid were effective in preventing colds, the author must provide evidence supporting his claim that the prevention of colds would indeed decrease absenteeism. It is possible that East Meria citizens have less income and cannot afford to miss work, whereas most citizens of West Meria are not in desperate need of money and have poorer work-ethic; thus, often feign sicknesses in order to skip school or work. If this case were true, then the use of Ichthaid, though effective in preventing the cold, would fail to lower absenteeism.
In conclusion, the argument, as it stands now, is considerably flawed due to its lack of supporting evidence. If the author is able to provide additional evidence to support his claims, then it will be possible to fully evaluate the strength of the proposed recommendation for West Meria citizens to take Ichthaid as a way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 482 350
No. of Characters: 2297 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.686 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.766 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.614 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.368 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.761 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.579 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.361 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.101 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 100, Rule ID: EQUALLY_AS[1]
Message: Don't say 'equally as'. You can use either 'equally' or 'as' on its own. When comparing two nouns, use 'just as'.
Suggestion: equally; as; just as
...ood of catching a cold in East Meria is equally as likely as catching one in West Meria. I...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, may, second, then, therefore, thus, whereas, in addition, in conclusion, first of all, on the contrary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2365.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 482.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 4.90663900415 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68556276237 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72313712491 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.458506224066 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 733.5 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.3701220471 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.473684211 119.503703932 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.3684210526 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.42105263158 5.70786347227 112% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.137876505465 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0537513388388 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0382143997562 0.0701772020484 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0828884546228 0.128457276422 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0403590412809 0.0628817314937 64% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 14.3799401198 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.92 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.