The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author concludes that starting a new jazz music club in Monroe would be profitable. He came to this conclusion by taking the point that its very popular in Monroe as an evidence. But, based on the assumptions that author has made, one cannot conclude that it brings profits if jazz music club is started.
Firstly, the author assumes that this jazz music is popular in Monroe based on some facts. It was given that over 100,000 people attended annual jazz festival last summer, but we don't know that total number of people in the city. It could be reasonable if they mention the proportion of people that attended the festival. However, if we assume that most people of the city have attended the festival, it doesn't mean that they'll attend it on regular basis. It depends on many factors like entry ticket price, timings and the environment.
Furthermore, if well-known musicians live here, we can't conclude that it's popular in Monroe. There could be many reasons for their staying here like the cost-of-living, pleasant environment and family matters. So, it is irrelevant to claim that jazz music is famous here based on the musicians living.
Also, as the rating of a radio program is high, we can't conclude that we can establish music club here. Many people might want to watch the show just by sitting at their homes instead of going and listening in live performances. Also, many people may concern about the costs of the entry fee in clubs. Also, we should know how is the study conducted, hw many people are surveyed. It also depends on the questions asked in the survey.
I understand the author's point that a new jazz music club in Monroe would be very profitable enterprise, but we can conclude that if we get more facts about the assumptions made by the author. If all the assumptions are perfectly proved with the facts, then the city can decide on developing the new club.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 334 350
No. of Characters: 1529 1500
No. of Different Words: 165 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.275 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.578 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.383 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 98 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 63 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.556 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.833 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.168 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...profits if jazz music club is started. Firstly, the author assumes that this ja...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 57, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e author assumes that this jazz music is popular in Monroe based on some facts. I...
^^
Line 2, column 185, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...nnual jazz festival last summer, but we dont know that total number of people in the...
^^^^
Line 2, column 410, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...the city have attended the festival, it doesnt mean that theyll attend it on regular b...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 427, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: they'll
...ended the festival, it doesnt mean that theyll attend it on regular basis. It depends ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...et price, timings and the environment. Furthermore, if well-known musicians liv...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 57, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
..., if well-known musicians live here, we cant conclude that its popular in Monroe. Th...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...us here based on the musicians living. Also, as the rating of a radio program i...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 57, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...e rating of a radio program is high, we cant conclude that we can establish music cl...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... on the questions asked in the survey. I understand the authors point that a ne...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, so, then, well
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 36.0 55.5748502994 65% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1565.0 2260.96107784 69% => OK
No of words: 331.0 441.139720559 75% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.72809667674 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.26537283232 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.47829544668 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 173.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.522658610272 0.468620217663 112% => OK
syllable_count: 477.9 705.55239521 68% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 30.5149730501 57.8364921388 53% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 86.9444444444 119.503703932 73% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.3888888889 23.324526521 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.70786347227 70% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.212177689241 0.218282227539 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0704705666012 0.0743258471296 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0793646281299 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.132929196303 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0910571656919 0.0628817314937 145% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.0 14.3799401198 70% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 70.13 48.3550499002 145% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.9 12.197005988 65% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.15 12.5979740519 81% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.58 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 98.500998004 65% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.