The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise Currently the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away thus

The author argues that a jazz music club in Monroe would a “tremendously profitable enterprise”. He states that currently, the nearest jazz club is far way which would entail that the proposed new jazz club, C-Note would have a local market all to itself. He further cites how jazz music is extremely popular amidst the citizens of Monroe, namely because of several renowned jazz musicians living there and the highest rated radio program being ‘Jazz Nightly’ and he uses these to further his argument regarding the potential of the new jazz club, C-Note. However, while doing so the author inadvertently misses out on several key evidences which need to be ascertained to ensure the persuasiveness of his argument.
Firstly, the author argues that jazz music is extremely popular amidst the inhabitants of Monroe because several renowned jazz musicians live there. However, this might not be so. Further evidence on how the people of Monroe listen to these renowned musicians living there needs to be presented so as to ascertain that these musicians shape the musical taste of the people of Monroe. Furthermore, the author argues that because jazz popular in Monroe, more than 100,000 people visited the annual jazz music festival held there last summer. However, how this number stands compared the overall population of Monroe is nowhere presented. If this number is small compared to the overall population of Monroe, then it stands contradictory to the author’s inference about the popularity of jazz music in Monroe. Similar is the argument about ‘Jazz Nightly’ which is the current highest rated radio program. No evidence supporting that the majority of the people of Monroe actually listen to radio is presented anywhere to support the assertion that because ‘Jazz Nightly’ is the highest rated radio program, people are inclined towards listening to it. Without further evidences regarding these, the popularity of jazz music amongst the people of Monroe is questionable and hence weakens the author’s argument.
Secondly, the author states that a typical jazz fan spends around $1000 annually on jazz entertainment. Even if evidence pertaining to the popularity of jazz music is presented, it still does show how this ‘typical jazz fan’ is likely to spend such amount, or maybe a majority of this amount in jazz clubs. A fan might be drawn towards buying vinyl records or cassettes of jazz music rather than going to jazz clubs to listen to live music. He might find it more comforting to listen to such music within the confines of his room and under such a scenario, the statistics that a ‘typical jazz fan’ spends $1000 on jazz entertainment does not make a jazz club ‘tremendously profitable’. More evidence on how a significant portion of the annual spending of a jazz fan goes towards live jazz music in jazz clubs needs to be presented. Without such evidence, the author’s argument does not hold water.
Furthermore, the location of the proposed new jazz club, C-Note and how it relates to the people of Monroe is not presented in the given excerpt. Maybe the fact that the nearest jazz club currently is 65miles away suggests that the people inhabiting the region are less inclined towards listening to jazz music. Without evidence on how the location pertains to a community which have a strong predilection for jazz music, the author’s argument that the proposed new jazz club, C-Note, will be “tremendously profitable” stand controversial.
In conclusion, it might be that jazz music is extremely popular among the people of Monroe and as such the proposed new jazz club, C-Note, has the potential of turning out to be a “tremendously profitable enterprise”. However, as it stands now, the author’s argument stands unpersuasive due to lack of evidence – evidence which can strengthen or weaken his arguments. Evidence on how the presence of renowned jazz musicians shape the musical taste of the people living in Monroe needs to presented along with how the number of people visiting the annual festival relates to the overall population of Monroe. Furthermore, evidence how a significant portion of the annual spending of a typical jazz fan goes towards live jazz music at a jazz club needs to be presented. Also, the author needs show how the proposed new jazz club is at close proximity to the people of Monroe, who ardently listen to jazz music.

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Average: 7.5 (2 votes)
Essay Categories

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 722 350
No. of Characters: 3567 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.184 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.94 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.582 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 275 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 191 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 72 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.741 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.043 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.63 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.421 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.421 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.184 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5