GRE argument The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing During the past year Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on the job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries where the work shifts are one hour shorter than o

Essay topics:

GRE argument:
The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing.

"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many accidents is fatigue caused by sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta, we recommend shortening each of our three work shifts by one hour. If we do this, our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."

The memo states that Alta Manufacturing has higher on-the-job accidents and experts recognize that accidents are major caused by insufficient rest. The author supports that decreasing one hour of all work shifts would help lower the on-the-job accident rate in Alta. This view is specious since there are a few issues render the view unconvincing.

First of all, even though the author argues that on-the-job accident is 30 percent higher the nearby Panoply Industries, there is no detailed information about the working environment of the two companies. There might be many reasons which cause workers hurt at work. It is possible that the working environment in Alta Manufacturing is more dangerous than Panoply Industries. The author should provide more information of both companies for readers to evaluate the pragmatism of the proposal.

Secondly, the memo mentions that a large proportion of on-the-job accidents are caused by inadequate rest. Nevertheless, the experts claim that lack of rest is a major reason of accidents, but not the only reason or the major reason for on-the-job accidents. Therefore, there might be other causes which could render staff injured at work. For instance, a ringing cell phone might disturb the staff's caution. Therefore, the author should offer more information about all the causes of on-the-job accidents.

Finally, the memo contends that the work shifts in Panoply Industries are one hour less than Alta Manufacturing. Therefore, if Alta Manufacturing decline one hour in their work shifts, the on-the-job accident rate could be much lower in Alta Manufacturing. Notwithstanding, there might be other cases which might also lead to high on-the-job accident rate. For example, late-night shifts may contribute higher on-the-job accident rate while day time shifts have fewer accidents. Thus, Alta Manufacturing may need to lower the shift which has the highest on-the-job accident rate rather than decreasing every shift for one hour.

Although the author provides many reasons to support the proposal, there are still some unfinished issues. The proposal should not be accepted until the detailed information: working environments of the both companies, all the causes which might distract staff, and on-the-job accident rate of every shift have been substantiated.

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Average: 6 (5 votes)
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Comments

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argument 1 and argument 2 are duplicated

argument 3 -- OK
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condition 1:
During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. //first, it is only for the past year, how are other years? second, maybe there is no causation between thirty percent more on-the-job accidents and one hour shorter shift

condition 2:
Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many accidents is fatigue caused by sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta, we recommend shortening each of our three work shifts by one hour.//first, maybe there are other reasons for accidents; second, maybe only night shift need shorter hours

conclusion:
If we do this, our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep. //maybe employees don't use that one hour for sleep.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 357 350
No. of Characters: 1915 1500
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.347 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.364 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.79 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.789 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.135 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.375 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.571 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.083 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5