Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The just article claims that diary products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis. To bolster this claim, the author of the article cites a long-term study of a large number of people. Although, at the surface the argument seems quite convincing but a deeper dive into the assumptions upon which the claim hinges shows that those assumptions are unwarranted, thus, the claim currently stands unpersuasive.
First, the author of the author erroneously asserts that milk and diary product prevent osteoporosis simply because the are rich in vitamin D and calcium. The author does not provide any empirical data or research study to bolster such a claim. Though such products may be rich in these minerals but they may not come in a quantity that is enough to prevent the disease. The assumption in this case is unwarranted, in order to bolster this claim, the author should substantiate it with clear evidence. Otherwise there exist no bases for such claim.
Secondly, the long-term study that was conducted fails to substantiate if the participants that had higher rate of bone fractures was caused by environment or genetic factors. There is a possibility that diseases that are associated by genes may not be remedied by milk and diary products despite the fact that those products may be rich in vitamin D and calcium. The author in this case have not provided any evidence that shows that these products prevent osteoporosis especially the ones that are associated with genetics or environmental factors.
Even if these products can prevent osteoporosis, the study erroneous associated the high rate of bone fractures with osteoporosis. Bone fractures may be caused by a number of things such as car accidents or engaging in a violent act. What if a significant number of people who participated in this study engage in activities that are not safe or risky and prone to accidents. If this is indeed the case, the claim amounts to a particularly unreasonable one.
Finally, for the argument to be persuasive, the author must substantiate with evidence that milk and diary products have sufficient vitamin D and calcium to prevent osteoporosis, that the participants of the study did not have inherent preconditions associated with osteoporosis and the high rate of fractures is as a result of the consumption of diary products only. Less, the claim is unsound
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1966 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.003 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.86 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 135 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.118 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.519 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.412 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 2 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 192, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
... the article cites a long-term study of a large number of people. Although, at the surface the ar...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 117, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...uct prevent osteoporosis simply because the are rich in vitamin D and calcium. The auth...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 502, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Otherwise,
...ld substantiate it with clear evidence. Otherwise there exist no bases for such claim. ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, finally, first, if, may, second, secondly, so, thus, such as, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2008.0 2260.96107784 89% => OK
No of words: 393.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10941475827 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45244063426 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.93969455738 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.442748091603 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 632.7 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 75.0113255578 57.8364921388 130% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.117647059 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1176470588 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.17647058824 5.70786347227 91% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.191990819337 0.218282227539 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0645168138529 0.0743258471296 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0756658887602 0.0701772020484 108% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.119923569501 0.128457276422 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0604840351704 0.0628817314937 96% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.27 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.