In the prompt, the author advocates that parents should make their children study in Mozart school of music claiming that it provides wide range of musical lessons and considering probabale success students might avail after graduating. While the advertisement looks good, the author has made these claims relying upon some unstated assumptions. The author should clear the following obscurities to made his/her claim viable.
First of all, If the school does not require admitted students to be auditioned first it might not have the opportunity to check if the students actually possess musical interest. In that case everyone can get in without the ambition to learn. And it might be the case, that as getting in this school is not competitive students having actual interest might not get chance if the school has limited amount of sitting. It might not be a fair institute and might not provide proper musicial environment to learn.
Secondly, the author claimed that the school offers wide range of various genres of music but didn't stated if every genre has skilled tutor. Though it claimed to have some of the most prominent musicians, it doesn't provide information on the number of tutors in each genre. If this is the case, then student having a particular interest, say classical music, might not have suitable tutor for his/her there. And also distinguished musicians might not have proper educating capabilities. If either of the case is true the author's claim doesn't stand out.
Finally, having recognation and high remuneration does not necessarily provide information on the quality of the musicians that the school produces. Musicians might make easy success by making music just to entertain public. This success might not mean a high quality of music. And musicians might get high salary in unethical means. He/she might get sponsorship to make music that doesn't fit moral aspects. And there is also no mentioning of the number of the successsful graduates. It might be the case, that one or two have made success by fortune. If either of the case is true the music school can't claim their graduates would be qualified.
To sum up, considering aforementioned aspects the author's claim appears to be utterly flawed. The author should substaintiate his/her claim with necessary information to make his argument reliable.
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 12 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 389 350
No. of Characters: 1919 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.441 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.933 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.623 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.682 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.283 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.333 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 95, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...de range of various genres of music but didnt stated if every genre has skilled tutor...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 208, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ome of the most prominent musicians, it doesnt provide information on the number of tu...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 487, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...not have proper educating capabilities. If either of the case is true the authors ...
^^
Line 3, column 535, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...r of the case is true the authors claim doesnt stand out. Finally, having recognation...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 382, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ight get sponsorship to make music that doesnt fit moral aspects. And there is also no...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 552, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ne or two have made success by fortune. If either of the case is true the music sc...
^^
Line 4, column 599, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...er of the case is true the music school cant claim their graduates would be qualifie...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, while, first of all, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1961.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 381.0 441.139720559 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.1469816273 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.41805628031 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66303201573 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.490813648294 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 595.8 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 46.0552130017 57.8364921388 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.1363636364 119.503703932 75% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.3181818182 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.77272727273 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.207100145179 0.218282227539 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0614091002767 0.0743258471296 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0751978138087 0.0701772020484 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.117163844001 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0547115035662 0.0628817314937 87% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.29 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.29 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.