The explanation provided to the observed behaviour of birth order on the individual levels of stimulation does not look convincing nor does the amount of study done on the rhesus monkeys seems adequate.
The author posits that the birth order and the individual levels of stimulation are related to each other based on the observation that the firstborn infant mokeys produce upto twice the levels of hormone called cortisol. By stating this the author leaves space for another explanation such as, the high amounts of cortisol levels are only observed in the first born infants because, no where in the argument presented the author compares the cortisol levels of second born with the thrid born and so on.
The author also mentions that the level of cortisol is an indication of levels of stimulation, for which there is no evidence to back it which in case of the rhesus monkeys if they encounter an unfamiliar monkey they might have shows responses that can be tied to their surivival instinct and there could be various other hormones that could have triggered at that moment. The argument extrapolates the explanation to human beings in a vague sense. By comparing the rise in cortisol levels of a first born human to that of a first born monkey where in the former it is due to a reaction of longing for the parent and the latter is a reaction to hostility faced.
Assuming that cortisol is a clear indicator for levels of stimulation and the levels of stimulation is different over the siblings, there still exists a doubt. With the limited number of subjects which have been taken for study, genetic mutation can serve as an aternative explanation to the observed behaviour. The author also mentions about the levels of cortisol in first-time mother monkeys, which does not provide any support to the difference in stimulation from one offspring to another. This observation may serve to explain the initial level of awareness and higher degree of responsibility taken by first-time mothers that can be observed within humans around us.
The points provided can serve as an explanation to numerous other scenarios or possibilities and hence the conclusion drawn by the author cannot be the only one.
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 372 350
No. of Characters: 1817 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.392 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.884 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.656 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.818 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.584 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.416 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.672 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 385, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...rved in the first born infants because, no where in the argument presented the aut...
^^
Line 6, column 629, Rule ID: THE_NN_AND_THE_NN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'are'?
Suggestion: are
...f longing for the parent and the latter is a reaction to hostility faced. Assum...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, hence, if, look, may, second, so, still, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1852.0 2260.96107784 82% => OK
No of words: 372.0 441.139720559 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.97849462366 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39173103935 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68116829559 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.475806451613 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 586.8 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 11.0 19.7664670659 56% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 33.0 22.8473053892 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 73.193844297 57.8364921388 127% => OK
Chars per sentence: 168.363636364 119.503703932 141% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.8181818182 23.324526521 145% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.54545454545 5.70786347227 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 8.20758483034 12% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.262073337498 0.218282227539 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0966814452837 0.0743258471296 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0775543396145 0.0701772020484 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.150383237575 0.128457276422 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.065243208133 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.9 14.3799401198 131% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.98 48.3550499002 79% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.2 12.197005988 133% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.2 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.75 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 98.500998004 83% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 19.0 12.3882235529 153% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.2 11.1389221557 136% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.9071856287 160% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.