The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president."In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from thei

In this statement, the vice president recommends to the boss of Climpson Industries that they should install software to monitor their staffs' using of the Internet, hence they could foster a better work ethnic and the overall profits of the company will increase by this way. To support his idea, the vice president tells us what this monitoring will favor the company. While there are some loopholes in this statements, the conslusion given by the vice president is not well supported by his analyzation and evidence. We should evalutate them carefully.

To begin with, whether the employees are using the Internet for individual reasons is not mentioned in this statement. To make it clear the vice president should make an observation to their staffs to find out this case. Then, if there is the case we discussed, the author should make clear how many people take in the part of all staffs misusing the Internet at work generally. It is important to find how serious this case happening in the company. Maybe this is a trivial problem that happened on minority staff which should not attract so many attentions.

Then let's go on, in the case of there is the problem that not a few of people were using the Internet at work. The choice of the vice president is monitroing all of them. So there is another effect on the people who work so hard that they do nothing just working in the company will feel uncomfortable by this survaillance. On the other hand, if the these undisciplined people was monitored by computer software, they could use cellphone or individual laptop to surf the Internet for shopping or playing games if they want. In this case, the idea of install software failed.Let alone the fostering the ethnic at the company. What's more, if the punishment of inappropeately using the Internet takes place, there will be an opposite effect which destroy the working passion of the staffs in a high possiblity, I an sure that is not what the vice-president want to see.
So it would not be a best choice of improving the staffs' working atittude by this monitoring which represent some kind of untrustable consideration of the staffs.

Finally, the vice president wants to improve their overall profits by this monitoring. But it would not bring the author the increasing profits because there are lots of cases related to the profits of a company. Firstly, the produts' competetiveness in the market is significant for a company which could determine the profits of them. Secondly, the Advertisements which could let more people know your products or services, that is the common method of increasing the profits. Thirldy it comes with the gifts and working passion of staffs in the company which should be prasied by the boss instead of punishments. So if the monitoring software and punishiment measures practice in this company, the result would be unprdeictable while to me I belive it would be a disaster of trust between the leadership and workers.

In conclusion, the suggestion is not well supported by the author's analyzation and evidences. I belive this monitoring software would not bring the high profits to the company, there would not be a forstered good work ethinic in this company.

Votes
Average: 5.3 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 405, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...pany. While there are some loopholes in this statements, the conslusion given by the...
^^^^
Line 5, column 575, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Let
...se, the idea of install software failed.Let alone the fostering the ethnic at the c...
^^^
Line 5, column 626, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
...he fostering the ethnic at the company. Whats more, if the punishment of inappropeate...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 811, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...n of the staffs in a high possiblity, I an sure that is not what the vice-presiden...
^^
Line 5, column 811, Rule ID: I_A[1]
Message: Did you mean 'am' (first person of "to be")?
Suggestion: am
...n of the staffs in a high possiblity, I an sure that is not what the vice-presiden...
^^
Line 6, column 20, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[1]
Message: Use 'the' with the superlative.
Suggestion: the
...sident want to see. So it would not be a best choice of improving the staffs wor...
^
Line 8, column 670, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...toring software and punishiment measures practice in this company, the result wou...
^^
Line 10, column 60, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...suggestion is not well supported by the authors analyzation and evidences. I belive thi...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 97, Rule ID: PRP_RB_NO_VB[1]
Message: Are you missing a verb?
...he authors analyzation and evidences. I belive this monitoring software would not bring the...
^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, firstly, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, while, in conclusion, kind of, to begin with, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 49.0 28.8173652695 170% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2682.0 2260.96107784 119% => OK
No of words: 545.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.92110091743 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78123378047 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.429357798165 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 828.9 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.5944645139 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.75 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7083333333 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.95833333333 5.70786347227 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.140527152052 0.218282227539 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0481269263538 0.0743258471296 65% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0373669455028 0.0701772020484 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0777884382055 0.128457276422 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0461989294762 0.0628817314937 73% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.55 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Sentence: While there are some loopholes in this statements, the conslusion given by the vice president is not well supported by his analyzation and evidence.
Error: conslusion Suggestion: conclusion
Error: analyzation Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: We should evalutate them carefully.
Error: evalutate Suggestion: evaluate

Sentence: The choice of the vice president is monitroing all of them.
Error: monitroing Suggestion: monitoring

Sentence: So there is another effect on the people who work so hard that they do nothing just working in the company will feel uncomfortable by this survaillance.
Error: survaillance Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: On the other hand, if the these undisciplined people was monitored by computer software, they could use cellphone or individual laptop to surf the Internet for shopping or playing games if they want.
Error: cellphone Suggestion: telephone
Error: laptop Suggestion: late

Sentence: What's more, if the punishment of inappropeately using the Internet takes place, there will be an opposite effect which destroy the working passion of the staffs in a high possiblity, I an sure that is not what the vice-president want to see.
Error: vice-president Suggestion: vice president
Error: inappropeately Suggestion: inappropriate
Error: possiblity Suggestion: possibility

Sentence: So it would not be a best choice of improving the staffs' working atittude by this monitoring which represent some kind of untrustable consideration of the staffs.
Error: atittude Suggestion: attitude
Error: untrustable Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: Firstly, the produts' competetiveness in the market is significant for a company which could determine the profits of them.
Error: competetiveness Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: produts Suggestion: products

Sentence: Thirldy it comes with the gifts and working passion of staffs in the company which should be prasied by the boss instead of punishments.
Error: prasied Suggestion: praised

Sentence: So if the monitoring software and punishiment measures practice in this company, the result would be unprdeictable while to me I belive it would be a disaster of trust between the leadership and workers.
Error: unprdeictable Suggestion: unpredictable
Error: punishiment Suggestion: punishment
Error: belive Suggestion: believe

Sentence: In conclusion, the suggestion is not well supported by the author's analyzation and evidences.
Error: analyzation Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: I belive this monitoring software would not bring the high profits to the company, there would not be a forstered good work ethinic in this company.
Error: forstered Suggestion: fostered
Error: belive Suggestion: believe
Error: ethinic Suggestion: ethnic

-------------------------

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 20 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 546 350
No. of Characters: 2619 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.834 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.797 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.699 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 144 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.324 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.491 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5