We need to increase the funding for the movie Working Title by 10% in order to ensure a quality product. As you know, we are working with a first-time director, whose only previous experience has been shooting commercials for a shampoo company. Since the advertising business is notoriously wasteful, it stands to reason that our director will expect to be able to shoot take after take, without concern for how much time is being spent on any one scene. In addition, while we have saved money by hiring relatively inexperienced assistant producers and directors, this savings in salary will undoubtedly translate to greater expenditures in paying the actors and unionized crew overtime for the extra hours they will spend on the set waiting for the assistant directors and producers to arrange things. If we don’t get this extra money, the movie is virtually assured to be a failure
The producer of the movie "Working title" is trying to pitch to the movie studio to increase their funding by 10 % which would in turn increase the quality of their overall product.He supports this claim by stating that the director is making a debut in this film and is likely to waste time on retakes based on the director past experience in advertising.He further supports his argument by saying that since they have hired some inexperienced assistant producers and directors , this would translate to giving more money for the actors and the unionized crew who work overtime.This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly, the author makes an unfair assumption about the director who is making his debut. The author generalises that the advertisement industry is wasteful and expects that the director will do the same by taking many retakes.The author does not provide us with any evidence which states that the director also takes many retakes.It might happen that the director is indeed efficient is his work and might finish the project before the stipulated time.The author argument becomes weak since he does not provide us with the evidence that his director also takes many retakes.
Secondly,even if we assume that the director falls in the generalised community of advertising and takes a lot of retakes.It might be that the director is fastiduous about the details of his work which leads to many retakes , and this type of behaviour might inturn increase the overall quality of the film.Also the number of retakes depends on the competence and craft of the actors.If the actors deliver the scene as the director wants their is no reason for a retake.The author should not solely blame the director for the time which is "wasted" on the retakes.
Finally, the fact that the company has hired inexperienced assistant producers and directors to save money and this money would go to the actors and unionized crew is a spurious claim.The latency should not be attributed to the inexperienced people as it depends on the quality of product which they use.The set should have the required amount to supplement the needs of the product.It might happen that the film is being s
Therefore, in conclusion I would say that, the author's argument is filled with flaws and incomplete and incogent reasons. Had the author kept the above suggestions and points in mind, his argument would have been bolstered much better with valid facts, evidences or statistics. The argument would also be more convincing and well-reasoned.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 15
No. of Words: 442 350
No. of Characters: 2128 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.585 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.814 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.564 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 44.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 32.196 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.414 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.719 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.18 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 169, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ch would in turn increase the quality of their overall product.He supports this c...
^^
Line 1, column 193, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...e the quality of their overall product.He supports this claim by stating that the...
^^
Line 1, column 337, Rule ID: PAST_EXPERIENCE_MEMORY[1]
Message: Use simply 'experience'.
Suggestion: experience
...e time on retakes based on the director past experience in advertising.He further supports his ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 368, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...director past experience in advertising.He further supports his argument by saying...
^^
Line 1, column 490, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ienced assistant producers and directors , this would translate to giving more mon...
^^
Line 1, column 591, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...nd the unionized crew who work overtime.This argument rests on a series of unsubstan...
^^^^
Line 3, column 229, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...will do the same by taking many retakes.The author does not provide us with any evi...
^^^
Line 3, column 333, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
...at the director also takes many retakes.It might happen that the director is indee...
^^
Line 3, column 455, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
... the project before the stipulated time.The author argument becomes weak since he d...
^^^
Line 5, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , even
...tor also takes many retakes. Secondly,even if we assume that the director falls in...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 123, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
... advertising and takes a lot of retakes.It might be that the director is fastiduou...
^^
Line 5, column 224, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... of his work which leads to many retakes , and this type of behaviour might inturn...
^^
Line 5, column 308, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...ncrease the overall quality of the film.Also the number of retakes depends on the co...
^^^^
Line 5, column 308, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ncrease the overall quality of the film.Also the number of retakes depends on the co...
^^^^
Line 5, column 385, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
... the competence and craft of the actors.If the actors deliver the scene as the dir...
^^
Line 5, column 439, Rule ID: THEIR_IS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'there'?
Suggestion: there
...deliver the scene as the director wants their is no reason for a retake.The author sh...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 471, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...r wants their is no reason for a retake.The author should not solely blame the dire...
^^^
Line 7, column 185, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
... and unionized crew is a spurious claim.The latency should not be attributed to the...
^^^
Line 7, column 305, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...n the quality of product which they use.The set should have the required amount to ...
^^^
Line 7, column 384, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
... to supplement the needs of the product.It might happen that the film is being s ...
^^
Line 7, column 424, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...It might happen that the film is being s Therefore, in conclusion I would say tha...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 12, column 48, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...re, in conclusion I would say that, the authors argument is filled with flaws and incom...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, therefore, well, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2204.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 428.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 5.14953271028 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.548423998 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88017005519 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 202.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.471962616822 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 686.7 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 7.0 19.7664670659 35% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 61.0 22.8473053892 267% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 243.885218904 57.8364921388 422% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 314.857142857 119.503703932 263% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 61.1428571429 23.324526521 262% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 13.1428571429 5.70786347227 230% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 22.0 5.25449101796 419% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.198251720577 0.218282227539 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0822350906274 0.0743258471296 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0684666658096 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.108847253184 0.128457276422 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0622516021791 0.0628817314937 99% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 33.4 14.3799401198 232% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 9.56 48.3550499002 20% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 13.0 7.1628742515 181% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 27.1 12.197005988 222% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 13.48 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.09 8.32208582834 121% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 56.0 12.3882235529 452% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 26.4 11.1389221557 237% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.