The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals."In a controlled laboratory study of liquid hand soaps, a concentrated solution of extra strength UltraClean hand soap produced a 40 percent greater reduction in harmful bact

Essay topics: The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.

"In a controlled laboratory study of liquid hand soaps, a concentrated solution of extra strength UltraClean hand soap produced a 40 percent greater reduction in harmful bacteria than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During our recent test of regular-strength UltraClean with doctors, nurses, and visitors at our hospital in Worktown, the hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection (a 20 percent reduction) than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations, including those used by visitors, throughout our hospital system."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

leilasorkhi's picture

The director of a large group of hospital asserted using UltraClean hand soap at all washing stations in all hospital due to fewer infection cases in Worktown’s Hospital and 40% greater reduction in harmful bacteria in a controlled laboratory study of liquid hand soaps. The writer’s argument is not a cogent one. To bolster his assertion, writer need to add some evidence about type of bacterias, the proportion of infected patients to all patients before and after using UltraClean and type of hospitals and diseases which cure there.

First of all, writer didn’t mention about kind of bacteria and the degree of their harmness. Since there was a reduction in amount of bacteria we cannot conclude that this soap is useful because, maybe UltraClean soap killed lots of weaker and harmless bacteria whereas severely harmfull bacteria remain. Although currently using bacteria designed for killing severely harmfull bacteria which exist not much and not effecting on harmless bacteria. So, to strengthen his memo, writer should mention effect of hand soap on bacteria which would infect patients.

Moreover, there is no evidence about the proportion of infected patients in Worktown’s Hospital before using Ultra clean and during their recent test. Since maybe reduction of infected cases is because of fewer patients in hospital due to some other factors. To bolster his suggestion it was better to say more precious information about the hospital and its patients.

Finally, he should inform the reader about the kind of diseases which cure in each hospital. Since the probability of infection is commensurate with kind of disease, it’s important to know about the curing diseases in each hospital. Patients who had surgeries are more likely to be infected. So, in hospitals that have more surgeries using more effective hand soap and other anti-infection materials is more important. Even if using UltraClean hand soap is useful, using a high quality hand soap, which may make money efforts, in all hand-washing stations in all the hospitals is not reasonable. Writer to strengthen his argument could have suggested using this hand soap in more sensitive portions in hospitals.

To sum up, writer of this memo to strengthen his argument, should explain more evidence about kind of hospitals and their medications, type and degree of harmfulness of bacteria and the exact reduction of proportion of infected patients in the hospital.

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Sentence: Since there was a reduction in amount of bacteria we cannot conclude that this soap is useful because, maybe UltraClean soap killed lots of weaker and harmless bacteria whereas severely harmfull bacteria remain.
Error: harmfull Suggestion: harmful

Sentence: Although currently using bacteria designed for killing severely harmfull bacteria which exist not much and not effecting on harmless bacteria.
Error: harmfull Suggestion: harmful

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 391 350
No. of Characters: 2007 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.447 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.648 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 152 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 122 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.965 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.376 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.59 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5