Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrollment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. Moreover, the cost

Essay topics: Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrollment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. Moreover, the cost of health and recreation club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years…

maryam2900's picture

The author believes that Tusk University should build a new recreational facility to two main purchases without any supporting evidence. The argument that attracted new students and served the needs of current student through building health club is a very simple view. It is obvious that student’s priority to choose a university is based on the scientific rank of university in the world. The author does not pay attention to this factor and develop his or her essay base on irrelevant idea while could take the advantages of having a new recreational facility in his/her university into account.

Many students prefer to consider other factors to choose university like the number of professors in their department and facilities that they have in their laboratories instead of facilities in health club, so the assumption of writer about building a new recreational facility as a main factor to attracting students is false. Some students do not have any time to spend in this kinds of clubs and they have to work on their project from early in the morning to late at night and they consider other needs like better public transportation or having decent security in their University instead of better serving at a new recreational facility.

The author assumes that the enrollment will double over 10 years, based on current trends without decent evidence. Investigating about the trend of enrollment need a large scale search about considering past trends, measuring main factors, and gathering data from recent years. Furthermore, the author does not have any evidence to support his/her assumption about why existing facilities will be inadequate. It is more likely that the new students, who are commuters, are away from campus and would not be able to go to the health club’s campus which would eventually lead to decreasing the percentage of them in enrolling while the author’s conclusion is existing facilities are inadequate.

The author also assume that students who athletically gifted ones, more likely to enroll at the university with new recreation center without considering other main factors that these kinds of students expect to have. For instance, specific services, professional coachers, and decent program should be provided for these students. The author does not take other main aspects of building health club into consideration, like devoting budget, social and environmental aspects.

In conclusion, the writer could present some main reasons to develop this issue and mention that the advantages of having new facilities in health club’s campus outweigh the disadvantages of it. By using survey and gathering data about reluctance of current students to having new recreational facilities, could support this argument.

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Sentence: Some students do not have any time to spend in this kinds of clubs and they have to work on their project from early in the morning to late at night and they consider other needs like better public transportation or having decent security in their University instead of better serving at a new recreational facility.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and kinds

Sentence: Investigating about the trend of enrollment need a large scale search about considering past trends, measuring main factors, and gathering data from recent years.
Description: The fragment enrollment need a is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace need with verb, past tense

Sentence: For instance, specific services, professional coachers, and decent program should be provided for these students.
Error: coachers Suggestion: coaches

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 438 350
No. of Characters: 2281 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.575 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.208 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.789 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 177 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.802 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.371 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.615 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.131 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

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