There are a lot of advice for accomplishing own's dreams in our society. Some people asserts that young people should emphasize more on picking worthy goals rather than follow their dreams because their personal goals are inherently selfish. However, the following essay largely disagree with the argument with below reasons and examples.
Admittedly, to some people, following their internal motivation means pursuing their selfish goals and it could lead to commit a crime against society's rules and orders. Without adequate education to young people, if they are received advice like "follow your dreams", they would do that which are banned by our rules. For examples, in Korea, many people were surprised at horrible cybersex trafficking crime by young people in "Nth Room" case. Nth Room cases is a criminal case, involving blackmail, cybersex trafficking, and spread of sexually exploitative video via Telegram app, between 2018 and 2020 in South Korea. There are criminals leading this crime who are just between 18 and 26 years old. One of the criminal, nicknamed God God, said that he had just biased perspective in sex. Like this, it seems better to make young people to pursue worthy goals rather than their own dreams.
However, it can be argued that sufficiently educated people could choose and decide their goals and it also bring more benefits in our society. If young people follow their inner voice and achieve their goals in the boundary of laws and regulation, there would be no harm to us. Even if it is related to their selfish goals, if it do not make any malign damage to some people, it would be better to allow them to follow their own purpose. Well known examples of Steve Jobs and Mark Zukerberg illustrate this case well. They followed their inner goals within law and regulation and made innovative devices and platforms to communicate each other. They not only accomplished their inherently dreams but also gave benefits to people. Thus, we do not dismiss the proposition "follow your dreams."
Additionally, setting own's goals make people more motivated and get ready to overcome obstacles. For most people who pursue to their dreams, it is sometimes necessary to face a hard situation and in that case, if they have inner motivation, it would be easy to cope with their obstacles. Thus, if young people get adequate education about which is wrong and right, young people should be allowed their personal dreams which they chose because motivated young people could be easy to success, giving benefits to society.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 754, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: God
...ars old. One of the criminal, nicknamed God God, said that he had just biased perspecti...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 110, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'brings'?
Suggestion: brings
...oose and decide their goals and it also bring more benefits in our society. If young ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 332, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'does'?
Suggestion: does
...s related to their selfish goals, if it do not make any malign damage to some peop...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, so, thus, well, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.5258426966 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.4196629213 81% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 14.8657303371 121% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.3162921348 88% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 33.0505617978 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 47.0 58.6224719101 80% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2158.0 2235.4752809 97% => OK
No of words: 421.0 442.535393258 95% => OK
Chars per words: 5.12589073634 5.05705443957 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52971130743 4.55969084622 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56310056128 2.79657885939 92% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 215.323595506 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.529691211401 0.4932671777 107% => OK
syllable_count: 658.8 704.065955056 94% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 6.24550561798 144% => OK
Article: 1.0 4.99550561798 20% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.38483146067 114% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.2370786517 94% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 23.0359550562 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.7521348905 60.3974514979 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.578947368 118.986275619 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.1578947368 23.4991977007 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.68421052632 5.21951772744 51% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 7.80617977528 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 10.2758426966 107% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 5.13820224719 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.83258426966 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.272109547738 0.243740707755 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0887883686588 0.0831039109588 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0811204873197 0.0758088955206 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.200302218105 0.150359130593 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0567103561024 0.0667264976115 85% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.1392134831 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.8420337079 101% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.1743820225 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.1639044944 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.38706741573 98% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 100.480337079 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.8971910112 92% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.2143820225 96% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.7820224719 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 70.83 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.